More Colin

In the early days, I wrote many blogs about Colin, a Senior Developer who was constantly writing bad code, cutting corners, and saying dumb stuff. After going through some old chat logs, I found a few stories that I don’t think I covered in the blog before:

Two Days For Nothing

Me 13:06:
Colin asked me for help. He says he has spent 2 days on his Work Item
No changes were needed; next!

Dean 13:06:
haha what's the Work Item about?

Me 13:07:
he was baffled by everything. He was creating a template with “Last Entry” field and he was like "why isn't it showing anything"
I said "your selected record is empty"

Colin just accidentally checked in a changeset – not just a file, but everything
Me, in dismay

Misleading Braces

Usually you use braces to group together blocks of code like for an If Statement, or Methods. Colin put his logic on the same line as the “if”, but then used a brace under it. So it looked like the brace belonged to the “If Statement” but it actually did not. We weren’t even aware you could just randomly put braces around code like that.

if ((!criterianValueSets.Any() || hasConcepts)) return hasConcepts;
{
//other code here

Me 10:12:
what a sneaky return. I'm surprised you can have a { after a return like that

Dean 10:12:
so what does the { even mean here?
like why is that code block in braces if it's not related to the if statement?

Me 10:12:
just groups together a random bit of code
I guess technically it is the else

Dean 10:12:
so can you do that wherever you want?

Me 10:12:
I was wondering that
you would have thought code analysis would moan even if it is valid

Dean 10:14:
you can, weird, and it affects the scope too... 
is that legacy code where you found it?

Me 10:15:
nope. Colin. always Colin

Node Resolvers

Colin didn’t know about the Accept and Cancel properties on a windows form. His mind was blown

Colin said there were multiple Node Resolvers and he was stripping out Nodes from one of them…then a minute later he says there are only 1 Node resolver and he wasn’t stripping out Nodes. Now Steve is confused because he was calling Colin’s code and was expecting it to strip them out

Open closed principle

Me 15:12:
Colin is making a bit of a fool out of himself, showing a lack of knowledge of programming concepts
I said to him
“do we really need 3 separate methods for this? what about 1 method with a switch?”
So he simply replied “Open closed principle”
So I explained he was actually violating that principle by writing it the way he did. 
“If there was a new Node system, you would have to change this dialog. It doesn't matter if you do my suggestion or leave it as it is. To conform to the open closed principle, surely you would need to pass in an object which can return the string. That way if a new Node system is added, you would add a new Node system object, and this class wouldn't need to be touched. 
Anyway, merging the 3 methods would be neater”

Dean 15:13:
Urrrgh

Me 15:13:
I also slagged off that class he wrote before
“I reckon that the guy who came up with Polymorphism would be in tears if he saw this class.”
 Colin had replied “Is that a complement ? I do not see any problem with it .”

I then emailed him with how to write it, and he now realises I am right

Dean 15:14:
That's good

Bugged Mindset

Colin always gets annoyed when I find a bug in his code.

But when testing miss something he loves it, even though it’s out in live and therefore it looks bad for all of us.

He’s not happy I have logged two bugs for his provenance story

NodeSystemCompatibility

Colin wrote a few similarly named methods but they did slightly different things but it wasn’t clear when to call them, and some returned a different value than what you would expect.

Me 12:45:
CheckNodeSystemCompatibility , IsNodeSystemCompatible
what is the difference?

Dean 12:45:
Lol

Me 12:45:
but don't call IsNodeSystemCompatible for documents, you need CheckDocumentForCompatibility  
and CheckNodeSystemCompatibility has a switch that calls different methods and then negates them
case FolderItemTypes.DocumentTemplate:
  return
    !IsNodeSystemCompatibileForDocumentTemplate(selectedItem);
so if it is compatible, CheckNodeSystemCompatibility  returns false  
I think we should just delete the branch and pretend it didn't happen

Dean 12:50:
Hahahahaha
Why are they overcomplicating things??

Me 12:53:
they want bugs. it's not even unit tested

Dean 12:57:
What?!

Health and Safety

Me 14:08:
Colin has a wrist rest on the windowledge and it has melted

Dean 14:08:
ha

Me 14:08:
the gooey stuff has dripped down towards the plug sockets
bit of a health and safety hazard
meanwhile, he also had a hot chocolate hidden behind his monitors that stunk of sick

Dean 14:10:
nice

Me 14:13:
Colin claims he got that drink this morning
a bit worrying if the machine is dishing out sick

Me 15:22:
Mel reported Colin's wrist rest incident
the handyman dude is here to save the day

Dean 15:23:
thank god

Multiple Attempts

Me
is this correct? ...we can copy folders if there is one item we can copy, regardless if there are loads which it can't copy?

Colin
my mistake. should be the otherway round. Will change this to "!documentItems.Any(di => di.CanCopy)"

Colin
correction. documentItems.Any(di => di.CanCopy.Equals(false)); lol

Colin
documentItems.All(di => di.CanCopy). sorry my brain isn't working.

Call It Twice

Me 16:15:
bool canCopy = NodeSystemHelper.GetActionsWithProvenance(selectedItem: SelectedItem) != null && NodeSystemHelper.GetActionsWithProvenance(selectedItem: SelectedItem).CanCopy;
 
if the returned object isn't null, create it again and check a property
classic Colin
 
Dean 16:18:
Wtf; that's melting my head
i don't see how you can take any enjoyment out of development writing code like that

Christmas has come early

Me 16:18:
seems Colin has left us with 36 failing unit tests
Christmas has come early

Manager 16:19:
want me to get him to sort them out?....

Me 16:19:
are you going down there and punch him in the stomach
Manager 16:20:
gonna stove his head in!!....

No Unit Tests

Me 13:22:
Colin fixed a bug
“Fix bug where protocols created pre-version 1.5 shows N/A rather than the correct value”
On the code review:
“Me
unit tests?
Colin
Not failing”
 
 
oh that's ok then. Just fix a bug and don't cover the missing scenario
WHY DO I WORK HERE?
Dean 13:22:
Why would you not write one??
Me 13:22:
it may fail if you write one 😀

No Root Cause

In one part of our application, we always have problems where you select some data in a grid, then the menu bar refreshes multiple times.

This time, there was a bug involving a menu option not becoming enabled until you hover the mouse over it – which was very strange.

Colin then decides to fix this new issue by adding another call to refresh the menu. Brilliant. It already flickered many times – let’s add another flicker!

The lead developer questions this change, and asks him what the root cause was. “This code is complicated, so I didn’t investigate”. Brilliant, totally lazy.

Luckily another developer stepped in and provided the proper fix.

If you don’t understand how the problem came about, then you could end up adding “hacky” code to make it work. But this just pollutes the codebase with more bad code and can cause more confusion and make the codebase harder to diagnose future issues. Good developers don’t cut corners like that.

Employee Profiles: Michel

One of our colleagues is a very distinctive character. He seems to love meetings, and getting involved in stuff that doesn’t concern him; which makes people think he is just looking to get out of work. However, even though some of the words he uses sounds like he could be blagging, if you think/check what he is saying carefully, he actually is extremely knowledgeable.

He also loves telling stories and talking about his personal life. He loves all things Thailand, so does Thai Boxing, used to be married to a Thai woman, and still goes there on holiday. He loves talking about food, cars, dogs, nutrition, gym, will often start sentences with “ironically”, and will often end sentences with “you know what I mean?” which makes many out of context quotes sound amazing.

You know what I mean?

Joshua 16:55:
how many times does Michel say you know what I mean?
Me 16:56:
The ironic thing is, I know exactly what you mean

ironically, it’s all feathers in my cap, you know what I mean?
I don’t even know what that is, you know what I mean?
I ask them, “do you speak Thai?” and some of them don’t, ironically
people don’t realise I’m as good in the role as I am, you know what I mean
the irony of it is, is that I didn’t know my MOT had run out, you know what I mean?
your chest is a big muscle group, you know what I mean?
the irony of it all is that she has her two fingers strapped up and she is a lesbian
yesterday I got a takeaway for no other reason that I was a bit peckish
you’ve got to be insane to fight a top level Thai with hemp wraps, it is suicide
I knew if I’d have stayed at home, I would have just vegetated on the sofa, you know what I mean?
it’s a colour printer and it does 5000 sheets, do you understand what I mean?
the thing is with wireless; is that you don’t have to be stood next to it to print, you know what I mean?
have you ever eaten polystyrene?
imagine a 3 year old kid sat on your lower body while you are asleep
I had to stop two of my gangster mates abducting him and leaving him out on the moor
it’s got a public get but a private set because at the end of the day you don’t want it to change, you know what I mean?
my body responds different to carbs, you know what I mean?
I’m multiskilled, you know what I mean?
The new camera interests me a bit. Do you know what I mean?
you get 3 or 4 hours with him on the morning, because he goes home, you know what I mean?
There’s an unknown; do you know what I mean?
it wouldn’t just stop working; you know what I mean?
I never like to mix business with pleasure, do you understand what I mean?
my heart was in my mouth, do you know what I mean?
I flummoxed him, you know what I mean?
If I don’t go out, I don’t see anybody, you know what I mean?
there’s a reason why police use Alsatians , you know what I mean?
you can’t even drive around that corner at the speed limit. Actually you can, because I do it everyday. It wasn’t wet but it wasn’t dry, do you understand what I mean?

Michel about the old days:

it’s just how they were, you know what I mean?
at that time, it was just normal, you know what I mean?
in the 1960’s, no one gave a damn, you know what I mean?
there were no trains, no buses, you know what I mean

Walking Off

Andy:
Michel said something yesterday like "I asked Graham to explain it but he confused me so I just walked off"

Me:
Yesterday, Michel also said something like "I'm here to speak with Dave, but he is gonna blag my head with advanced computer science"
sounds like he went around speaking to people then walking off

Andy: Michel likes taking responsibility for everything. They could have just logged a ticket for IT to turn the computers back on. There were a few that powered off

“I had to drive all the way to the office and plug them all in. Took most of the morning”
Michel

Michel On Leadership:

When it comes to leadership, some people are really good at it, and others have to try
I didn’t get to my position by going out of my way to fix environments. I broke them and then fixed them, you know what I mean?
we all fall foul of an environment not being patched, you know what I mean?
I am subtle as a brick
delegate if you can
everyone is human, and we all mess up
Shall I tell you when to worry? when I am worried
I type so fast, I miss out entire words
as long as the output is correct, the process is up to the team: you know what I mean?

King of All Excuses: Part 3

I’ve written blogs about an employee which I referred to as Beavis, due to his grunt laugh. He is a complete liability and I don’t know why we didn’t sack him ages ago. His constant excuses why he cannot work are obvious lies. He came up with loads when we worked in the office but then when we started worked from home during lockdown, he had a whole new set to go through.

I understand some people can have some bad luck or them or their family members can have health issues, but is it possible for him to be hit with such frequent illnesses and issues?

Check out Part 1 and Part 2.

Here’s around 3 months of excuses.

Mobile phone has problems so can’t use authenticator to connect to VPN
Broadband is too slow
Needs to take his wife’s car for an MOT
Laptop broke
Antibiotics for his dog
Drove down to the village to see the extent of the floods
Optician appointment
Broadband not working
Cracked Laptop Screen
Oven repair
Daughter’s sports day
BT Broadband outage
BT Broadband outage again, and phone tethering won’t work either.
Builder is looking at some “snagging issues”
Throat glands have all swollen up and I’ve lost my voice
Emergency dentist work
Check up following dentist work. Will take an hour total travel, waiting, then dentist time. So at least 2 hours.

A colleague was saying that his line manager isn’t very active so therefore he can send him a message saying that he isn’t coming in, then Nigel won’t have replied to accept his request.

“he uses Nigel’s inability to reply to his advantage”

Isobel: "I have been in contact with Beavis who did the work but he has had to take the day off unexpectedly"
Andy: "is it actually unexpected at this point?"

Other People’s Excuses:

“randomly I’ve just got to move some bales of straw. back soon”

Zoe

(one of the top manager’s wife, so gets a bit of leeway to do what she wants):

cleaning dining table
having a shower
in garden having beers

Derek

(also notorious for slacking. I suspected the occasional lie from him too):

I’ll be working from home today, a leaky shower box is causing an unintended indoor water feature, so I’m hanging around for a plumber. Don’t forget to skype me for the stand-up 😉

I’m working from home today. Sorry I haven’t emailed sooner, I had some problems initially remoting in as my computer at work had a dicky fit.

Google’s Incognito Mode: A Privacy Illusion?

The big companies such as Google and Facebook often seem to make headlines when it comes to privacy and tracking user behaviour in order to sell for profit. So I suppose people shouldn’t be surprised that Google has been collecting data even when using the Incognito mode.

I heard about this in the following article:

https://www.howtogeek.com/google-chrome-incognito-mode-settlement

Brand Loyalty

As an aside, I find it strange how people have such strong brand loyalty. Google Chrome used to be conisdered the far superior browser, gaining popularity over Firefox, and leaving Internet Explorer behind. The rebranded Edge does use “Chromium” which Chrome is built on. Chrome has taken flak for being a memory hog, and with privacy concerns, I expected people to make the switch back to Microsoft.

Last week I mentioned Edge to my Software Developer colleagues and they were disgusted. There was even more disgust when I mentioned how Bing is actually a great search engine, and the free Copilot feature that allows you to easily request AI generated images means it is what I now use. Maybe you can’t trust Microsoft either, but with recent controversies of Google Gemini, and suggestion of political bias in their search results, surely brand loyalty should continue to wane.

Incognito mode

When it comes to Incognito mode, the user is told that it is a “private browsing” feature. It doesn’t store browsing history and active sessions, but it isn’t private from your internet service provider. I thought there were no tracking cookies involved either but I think this is the basis on the lawsuit where Google has been collecting “personal and sensitive data” from users, even when in Incognito.

“Google has agreed to delete (or anonymize) all private data collected from Incognito sessions before December 2023, and it will now block third-party cookies in Incognito Mode by default. Users who open Incognito Mode will encounter a more detailed explanation of the feature’s capabilities, too.”
howtogeek

Conclusion (written by guest writer Bing Copilot using Microsoft Edge)

The case of Google’s Incognito mode serves as a stark reminder that in the digital world, privacy is not always guaranteed. Users must remain aware of the potential for their data to be tracked and used, even when measures are taken to browse privately. As technology continues to evolve, so too must our understanding and expectations of privacy in the online realm.

International Women’s Day

In recent years, we have been progressively highlighting social justice topics at work. With our recent takeover with American owners, they have said it is one of our company objectives to be more Diverse, so expect more over the coming years.

I’ve stated in other blogs that if there is actually a problem to solve, then I am all for it. As far as I am aware, there is no problem with Diversity/Sexism etc where I work.

In Software Development, the demographics is male-dominated in the UK. However, I have found when we have hired women, they might only stay for a few years before leaving, or want to switch to management. I’m tempted to say women seem to be favoured for promotions and requests to change contract (reduced days or working hours). When it comes to Software Testing, it seemed fairly balanced between men and women. Management level seemed predominantly women.

In our India office, women are much better represented in all areas. Not sure of the exact breakdowns but it could be like 5% female developers in the UK, but 35% women in India.

Our head office in the UK is next to a predominantly Asian city so we have a high amount of Asian staff.

So with the new American owners, their constant claims that we need to improve diversity makes them seem foolish and makes me worry they might start making negative changes and introduce new problems. Constantly telling people we need to make things “equitable” and “inclusive”, and questioning how we are supporting certain groups of people – just creates a victim mindset. Spotlighting a certain group is also divisive if you think about it…

Today, on International Women’s Day, we take time out to celebrate the incredible women we work alongside and their achievements. Our commitment to the UN Sustainable Development Goal of Gender Equality is shown through the value we place on the incredible women employed here and their impact, as well as the hugely positive influence we all have on women’s experiences.

This is a place where women have long, successful careers, and with that in mind, I want to inspire women and advocates by spotlighting women’s careers. I am delighted to share their views and experiences in this video and the images below, with even more great content and stories featured here on Sharepoint. Whilst you watch, I’d like everyone to think about what part you play in shaping our industry to be an equitable, inclusive space for all. How do you support women in the industry? In your department? In your team? It's up to us all to challenge gender stereotypes, call out discrimination, draw attention to bias, and seek out inclusion.

International Women’s Day is about raising awareness for gender parity, however you identify, and it’s an opportunity to put a spotlight on the successful contributions women make in our business.

Isn’t the entire post hypocritical? It opens saying how we have incredible women here, they have long, successful careers, then switches tone and implies that we aren’t supporting women and there’s discrimination!

Question: where have you seen the positive impact?

“it’s happening right now. The CEO is inspiring”
Director of Business Operations

In the video, we saw our female CTO who was talking about the company we merged with, also led by a female CTO. We then heard from the “Director of Business Operations” (who I think has been promoted every 2-3 years since she joined), then finally someone slightly lower down the hierarchy, a “Principal Software Engineer”.

So we have examples of women that have had no trouble being promoted. We are led by women, the Human Resources department is 80% women. If we do have a gender pay-gap, or if women struggle to get promoted, then whose fault is it?

One manager replied to the post and used similar statements implying that there is a problem with sexism here.

Woo! Some amazing women right here and across the business, feel so lucky to work alongside some incredible women and for a company that is striving to tackle inequality and find new ways to support women in the workplace!
Manager

So much inequality here. If there is so much, then why aren’t they suing. It’s against the law isn’t it?

AI Writes Woke Blogs

I’ve recently written about how my employer has been promoting “woke” issues and making out that we need to combat discrimination in the workplace even though it’s not a problem where we work.

Some colleagues have written blogs about struggles they have had in life based on various issues, be it gender, ADHD, Autism, Depression etc.

I was joking with a colleague about how it’s easy to claim you are discriminated against. I’ve written blogs about how I’ve been overlooked for promotions and pay-rises multiple times even though my peers have often considered me a high-performing individual. Sometimes I’ve considered how I can be shy and non-confrontational and don’t suck up to managers, so often put it down to that. I could easily see how someone in that situation could claim it is against their race, religion, gender or health status. You could also claim it to be about the way you look or how old you are.

My colleague also gets overlooked for promotions and has never reached the rank of Senior even though he is probably around 50 years old. He is incredibly tall, so he asked the AI to generate him a blog post. Then he tried from the opposite perspective, then as a “white person of colour”.

Here is what it came up with:

### A Day in the Life at Altitude: Reflections of a Person of Height

#### Morning Musings: The Highs and Lows

My mornings commence with what I’ve affectionately dubbed “The Great Duck,” a necessary dance with my environment to avoid the ever-threatening ceiling fan and the shower that seems to mock me with its disdain for elevation. This daily ritual, though humorous at times, is a vivid reminder of the mismatch between my height and the world’s standard measurements. It sets the tone for the day—a day where my stature both defines and challenges me in equal measure.

#### The Commuter’s Waltz: A Tall Order

Navigating public transport as a person of height is an exercise in humility and patience. With overhead straps laughingly out of reach and seats seemingly designed for a different species, my commute often feels like a puzzle where I don’t quite fit any of the pieces. Yet, there’s a certain grace to be found in this daily ballet, a reminder of the adaptability and resilience that have become second nature.

#### Workplace Woes: Above the Crowd

At work, my vertical advantage becomes a public commodity. While I’m all too aware of my ability to retrieve objects from lofty places, there’s an unspoken expectation that I should always be willing to do so. The truth is, the novelty of being the resident retriever wears thin, especially when it overshadows my professional contributions. And so, the search for a workspace where I’m not just seen as a tall figure but as a valued team member continues—a quest for a place where my height is incidental, not defining.

#### Lunchtime Lament: Seeking Common Ground

Lunchtime is no escape from the day’s taller challenges. The act of finding a seat where my knees aren’t pressed against the underside of a table is a daily trial. But it’s in these moments of shared struggle that I find unexpected camaraderie with others of similar stature. There’s comfort in mutual understanding, in knowing that you’re not alone in your lofty perspective.

#### An Evening Plea: A Shelf Too Far

As the day winds down and I venture into the supermarket, my height becomes a beacon for requests. “Could you just grab that from the top shelf?”—a question I hear all too often and one that I wish would cease. It’s not that I mind helping others; rather, it’s the assumption that I’m always available for such tasks that weighs heavily. I long for a shopping experience where I’m just another customer, navigating aisles without the added expectation of being a human ladder.

#### Reflections from Above: Life as a Towering Presence

This blog has become a sanctuary where I share the nuances of living as a person of height. It’s not just about the inconvenient light fixtures or the cramped seats; it’s about navigating a world that doesn’t quite fit. Each day is a lesson in adaptation, a testament to the human spirit’s capacity to find humor and grace in the face of constant reminders of difference.

Being tall is an integral part of who I am, but it’s not my defining feature. I am more than my ability to reach high places; I am a person with aspirations, thoughts, and feelings that soar even higher than my physical stature. And if there’s one wish I could have granted, it would be to navigate a day without the expectation to retrieve items from the unreachable realms of supermarket shelves. To those who see me in the aisles, know that I, too, am there to shop, not to extend my reach into the upper echelons of grocery goods.

In sharing these experiences, I hope to offer a glimpse into the life of a person of height, with all its trials and triumphs. It’s a journey of learning to stand tall, not just in stature but in spirit, embracing the view from above while staying grounded in the reality of everyday challenges

### A Day in the Life of a Vertically Challenged Person

Life from a different perspective can bring its own set of challenges and rewards. Being vertically challenged, or shorter than the average height, means navigating a world that seems designed for taller people. This blog explores a day in the life of someone who views the world from a lower vantage point but stands tall in spirit and resilience.

#### Morning Routine

The day begins with the usual morning scramble. For someone vertically challenged, this might involve a step stool strategically placed in the kitchen. Reaching for the top shelf where the cereal is stored or the cupboard for a favorite mug is the first small victory of the day. It’s a reminder that even the simple act of making breakfast requires a bit of ingenuity and adaptation.

#### Commute and Work

Next comes the commute. Public transportation can be a battleground, with overhead handrails just out of comfortable reach and crowds that seem to swallow you whole. Yet, there’s a certain skill in weaving through the masses, finding those small openings that taller people might overlook.

At work, the office environment poses its own challenges. The ergonomic design of desks and chairs often forgets those of us who can’t quite touch the ground with our feet or who need to adjust monitors lower to avoid neck strain. Yet, these challenges are met with personalized solutions, from footrests to keyboard risers, showcasing the creativity that comes from having to constantly adapt to a world not designed for your stature.

#### Social Interactions

Social interactions can be a mixed bag. There’s the inevitable moment when someone comments on your height, thinking it’s the first time you’ve heard that joke or observation. But there’s also the camaraderie found in meeting someone who shares your perspective, both literally and figuratively. Conversations often start with shared experiences of being vertically challenged but quickly move beyond height, to deeper connections and friendships.

#### Shopping and Errands

Shopping is an adventure, with clothes that seem to cater to a taller clientele and shelves stocked just beyond reach. But there’s a sense of achievement in finding that perfect outfit that fits just right, or the last item on the grocery list tucked away on a high shelf, secured with a bit of determination and perhaps a helpful fellow shopper.

#### Leisure and Self-care

Leisure time and self-care are tailored to suit personal comfort and accessibility. Exercise equipment is adjusted, and books and devices are positioned for easy access. It’s a time to stretch out, literally and figuratively, embracing hobbies and activities that bring joy and relaxation.

#### Reflections

As the day winds down, it’s a time for reflection. Being vertically challenged in a world built for the average height has its frustrations, but it also instills a sense of resilience, creativity, and a unique perspective on life. It’s a reminder that while we might not see eye to eye with everyone, we can stand tall in our own way, embracing the challenges and celebrating the victories, no matter how small they may seem.

### Conclusion

A day in the life of someone vertically challenged is filled with small adaptations, challenges overcome, and the constant reminder that perspective is everything. It’s a life viewed from a different angle, rich with experiences that remind us that it’s not the height that defines us, but how we choose to navigate the world around us

Navigating the Nuances: Mental Health in the Age of Wokeness

In today’s rapidly evolving cultural landscape, the conversation around identity, race, and mental health has never been more complex. As someone who identifies as a white person of color, the intersectionality of my identity often places me in a unique—and sometimes challenging—position, especially in the context of the current discourse on wokeness. This term, originally rooted in a genuine and necessary awareness of social injustices, has morphed in various ways, impacting many, including myself, in deeply personal ways.

### The Weight of Wokeness

The drive towards a more aware and inclusive society is something I wholeheartedly support. The ideals of equality, understanding, and respect are pillars that should underpin any progressive community. However, the journey towards these ideals is fraught with complexity and, at times, contradiction, particularly for those of us whose identities defy simple categorization.

As a white person of color, I find myself navigating a maze of expectations and assumptions. On one hand, my white heritage seems to place me in a position of privilege—a fair assumption in many societal contexts. On the other, my connection to a minority group imbues me with a personal understanding of racial challenges and injustices. This duality often makes me a target for criticism from all sides, with my identity being scrutinized and, at times, invalidated by those who view the world through a strictly binary lens of race and privilege.

### The Impact on Mental Health

The constant need to justify my identity and experiences takes a significant toll on my mental health. The feeling of not fully belonging to any one community, combined with the pressure to always say the “right” thing, is isolating. It fosters a sense of alienation and anxiety that shadows many of my social interactions. The fear of misspeaking, of inadvertently offending, or of not meeting someone else’s standards of “wokeness,” creates a pervasive sense of walking on eggshells.

This environment, where every word and action is heavily scrutinized, exacerbates feelings of anxiety and depression. The mental exhaustion of constantly navigating these social minefields, of trying to align with a set of ideals that sometimes seem at odds with the complexity of human identity, cannot be overstated.

### Seeking Balance and Understanding

Finding balance in this charged atmosphere is an ongoing process. It involves setting boundaries for engaging in discussions about race and identity, prioritizing self-care, and seeking out supportive communities that recognize and respect the complexity of individual experiences. It also means acknowledging my own feelings of confusion, frustration, and exhaustion as valid responses to a complex social dynamic.

One of the most significant steps towards mental wellness has been learning to embrace my unique perspective. Recognizing that my voice, informed by a diverse background, has value in conversations about race, identity, and social justice. It’s about finding strength in my nuanced understanding of these issues and using it to foster empathy and inclusivity.

### Moving Forward

As we navigate the complexities of identity and social awareness, it’s crucial to remember that the human experience is diverse and multifaceted. Embracing this diversity, with all its challenges and contradictions, is key to building a truly inclusive society. For those of us caught at the intersection of various identities, finding a way to voice our experiences without fear of judgment or backlash is essential for our mental health and for the broader conversation.

In the end, the goal should be to create a space where all voices are heard, where the complexity of human identity is acknowledged and celebrated, and where understanding and empathy prevail over divisiveness. As we strive towards this ideal, let us remember to approach each other with kindness and an open heart, recognizing the profound impact our words and actions have on the mental well-being of those around us.

Closing Thoughts

It’s crazy how good AI is at writing blogs. It seems to have the content and structure, sometimes coming up with good puns, and seems to perfectly emulate a victim mentality.

Neurodiversity In The Workplace: Part 2

Introduction

I recently wrote a blog about internal blogs and statements posted by my employer about Neurodiversity. Then I thought I’d collate a collection of stories of people doing bizarre things at work. No idea if people were actually “neurodiverse” but given the claim:

“Diversity is important for any organisation to develop, and understanding neurodiversity comes with huge benefits.”

I like to imagine an entire company where everyone behaves erratically. For the most part, I don’t think there would be benefits; it would be more like a comedy show.

These stories are about Daniel. I always loved the way his mind worked so I often asked him obscure questions. Often when I went on Stack Overflow for programming questions, I saw interesting questions in the Hot Network Questions, most of which were from the WorldBuilding one where people ask questions to help them write fictional stories.

Most of these are taken from chat logs with my colleagues but some were in person:

Doing Work

Jim: "Are you shopping right now?"
Daniel: "No, I'm looking at climate change solutions"

This feels like a nicer solution just for avoiding wanton suppression, don’t suppose it matters at all though
Daniel

haven’t got too much done to be honest, calm before the storm, pounce before the calm yet outwardly frenzied lasceration
Daniel

The Floorwalker Game Idea

Me 09:16: 
"If you’re having trouble accessing the system, please contact your floorwalker"
sounds like a quote from a Sci-Fi film
what the hell is a floorwalker?
Daniel 09:17: 
hey, i used to be a floorwalker, we're a proud race
Me 09:18: 
they should be in your game
then later on, you meet the mutated race Roofwalkers
you need a different strategy to take them down
Daniel 09:18: 
or vice versa
that's actually a really great idea, i'm having thoughts

Badmington Health & Safety Risk Assessment

Me 10:45: 
have you done a risk assessment for badmington?
Daniel 10:45: 
yep, the highest risk involves public humiliation
other risks include black hands from decaying rubber on the racket handle
net entanglement
Me 10:46: 
and damaged knees from sliding on the floor like an idiot
Daniel 10:46: 
direct impacts by shuttlecocks have been known to actually improve the recipient's health, so no worries there
I don't think anyones ever ended up on the floor before or since your session, so it can be marked as a non-coverable act of god or other deity

Jake Has Left Rumour

Me 08:58: 
I saw Jake on the bus this morning
Daniel 08:58: 
I saw him buying a rutabaga last thursday
Me 08:59: 
you said that he had gone
Daniel 09:00: 
perhaps I said that he was going?
or perhaps I was passing along snippets of unsubstantiated rumour
it's me - I am the office gossip! the one you'd least suspect

Bath On Mars

Me 15:18: 
can you take a bath on Mars?
Daniel 15:19: 
does sitting in a vat of gaseous nitrogen count?
Me 15:19: 
as long as it has cleaning properties
http://space.stackexchange.com/questions/17817/can-you-take-a-bath-on-mars 
Daniel 15:20: 
glad you've kept looking at that, I haven't for a while
and yeah, why wouldn't you be able to aside from all of the obstacles to getting a bath (which depending on your circumstances on earth can be just as much of an obstacle)
Me 15:21: 
yeah. His idea was wrong

Could a Halfling Warlock Ride a Pseudodragon?

Me 12:06: 
Could a Halfling Warlock Ride a Pseudodragon?
Daniel 12:07: 
Depends how pseudo it is, fat man in a dragon suit?
Me 12:07: 
http://rpg.stackexchange.com/questions/82821/could-a-halfling-warlock-ride-a-pseudodragon 
turns out its an Imp
actually, I think he is saying either a pseudodragon or an imp
he rides the dragon but the imp carries him
Daniel 12:15: 
simultaneously?
also... of all the questions!
Me 12:42: 
Andrew hates warlocks, so I specifically searched for warlocks and chose the best question
probably looted his treasure
Daniel 12:47: 
but they're shamanistic holymen who have cast off the shackles of material wealth!
Me 12:50: 
they still like going on quests
Daniel 12:58: 
true true, i uh they enjoy a good quest now and then

Would a full body diamond armor and sword guarantee survival and victory against a medieval battalion?

Me 15:55: 
http://worldbuilding.stackexchange.com/questions/54324/would-a-full-body-diamond-armor-and-sword-guarantee-survival-and-victory-against seems that the answer is a massive NO 
Daniel 15:46: 
depends how you use it, just for goodness' sake don't wear it
Me 15:48: 
I think it would compliment my body type
Daniel 15:49: 
bipedal?
Daniel 15:53: 
again, I don't see why wearing it would be the sensible option here
Daniel 15:55: 
flail it around like a really blunt mace
from as far away as possible
Me 15:55: 
using armour as a weapon
Daniel 15:56: 
the best defense etc

How can I prevent the collapse of the Soviet Union?

Me 13:25: 
How can I prevent the collapse of the Soviet Union? 
Daniel 13:27: 
Hmm, give the people working dishwashers?

Animals with unsaved homework

Me 15:31: 
I used to get people at uni with ctrl+alt+backspace
it rebooted our linux pcs
Daniel 15:31: 
uh, awful
Me 15:32: 
then you leg it when you find they didn't save their files
Daniel 15:32: 
haha, we used to live like animals, animals with unsaved homework

Can Klingons swim?

Me 15:12: 
Can Klingons swim?
Daniel 15:13: 
that's a bit niche
their wrinkled heads take in water and upends them?
Me 15:13: 
I haven't seen much Star Trek, but I don't recall them finding lots of water
Daniel 15:14: 
make war, not swan dives
Me 15:14: 
so does anyone know if any of the races or crew can swim?
Daniel 15:14: 
it must have come up
over 4000 episodes
Me 15:14: 
that's actually a better question. If a Klingon goes swimming, does their skin flatten out instead of wrinkling
or do they wrinkle even more
Daniel 15:15: 
ha, well do you know why ours wrinkles?
the best theory is an evolutionary quirk to provide better grip when in damp conditions
Me 15:16: 
is it an unsolved mystery
Daniel 15:16: 
so their skin might turn into the texture of a suction cup
I might read the stopping time by speeding it up inside a bubble one... but they're a bit thin today

My high masquerade standards

Me 15:24: 
are you off to the Christmas party?
Daniel 15:24: 
not this year! helen's got other plans and damned if i'm going solo
Me 15:25: 
omg
Daniel 15:25: 
hang on, someone is calling for something work-related...
Me 15:25: 
women
Daniel 15:43: 
too right, besides it wouldn't meet my high masquerade standards
the last one i went to had a proper gladiatorial bouting arena, on high pedestals 
and sumo suits
and i made the mask myself
and did a backflip off a pedestal while in a fat suit wearing a mask
Me 15:50: 
ha

The Kidnap

“I know what it’s like to be dragged from the street and put in a dark room”
Daniel

he said you can buy it like an experience day. You drive fast cars, Daniel gets locked up

Sentient spider

Me  15:44:
How would a very large, sentient spider communicate?
Daniel 15:45:
in a language we don't understand

Programming Mould

Me 10:32:
“I know this will be heresy and probably scandalize the computer programmers reading it, but if you just have a couple tiny spots of mold on top of the jam, or on the jar above the jam, you can even completely remove the mold (generously - i.e. excise a little bit extra all around the moldy patch too), & the rest of the jam can be still good.”

Is there some obscure reference that I don't get?
Daniel 10:33:
Sometimes I don't even remove the mold, I just eat around it
Me  10:33:
If someone can decipher that, it would be you. What has mold got to do with programmers?
Daniel 10:33:
I'm guessing it's a metaphor
legacy code can have good bits

Bossom raises no eyebrows but your own

Me 16:41:
there is a contact on Workplace called "Annys Bossom"
Daniel 16:41:
that raises no eyebrows but your own~
Me 16:42:
but she doesn't exist in outlook
she cannot be real
Daniel 16:42:
oh flip, that's an outrage!
Me 16:42:
I think we have been hacked
Daniel 16:43:
hmm, it does sound like a security flaw, thankfully there's no real impetus for security nor anything useful to be gained
annys bossom has cleaved through the security
Me  16:44:
ha
Daniel 16:45:
i've tried searching for other likely breaches, but I can't be certain some of these aren't actual names
I will go home and ponder this anon
Me 16:46:
like Jim Cockburn?
Daniel 16:47:
like the port?
port never lies
once hugh jass shows up we're doomed - have an evening!

Why are Daniel’s standup updates different?

“yesterday I did some work, and today I presumably will do more”
Daniel

Story Pointing

We were “story pointing” our work, and had to score the size a “1,2,3,5,8,13”. Daniel chose “6” which isn’t valid. Matt asked him how he came up with it, and he said “I generated a random number and multiplied it by 8”.

Random Question

I was in the kitchen with Daniel, and Tracey walked in. Daniel turns to her and says “What was the name of the woman who discovered DNA?“

Your Feature Is Broken

Me 09:48: 
I don't think the Implied consent feature is working
Daniel 09:49: 
well, there's a decent chance it is, but I shall magnanimously hear you out (after my stand-up)

Neurodiversity In The Workplace: Part 1

Introduction

I recently wrote a blog about internal blogs and statements posted by my employer about Neurodiversity.

I thought I’d collate a collection of stories of people doing bizarre things at work. No idea if people were actually “neurodiverse” but given the claim:

“Diversity is important for any organisation to develop, and understanding neurodiversity comes with huge benefits.”

I like to imagine an entire company where everyone behaves erratically. For the most part, I don’t think there would be benefits; it would be more like a comedy show.

These stories are about several people but I will merge them under one name, Russell. Some of these are taken from chat logs with my colleagues:

Bitshift

Me:
fact from Russell: due to cosmic radiation, about once a month, you get a bitshift in your computer
Andrew 15:05:
i'm gonna knock him out

Mobile Phone

Russell purchased a cheap phone from China. I think it had a normal sim slot and he had a micro sim. He placed his sim card in there to try it out, then wanted to get it back out. He ended up slashing and poking at it with some scissors to get it out, eventually cutting off large bits of the plastic; basically trashed his new phone. Andrew told him that he could have gone to a phone shop and they would have got the sim card out for him. No idea what he was thinking.

In a similar cutting story…

Cutting Contactless

Me 11:39:
Russell has a contactless bank card, but he has cut it so the contactless won't work; says it is anti-fraud protection
Andrew 11:39:
you can just ask for that to be switched off at your bank. Idiot.
Me 11:40:
I was just gonna ask you if you can do that…or you can chop part of it with scissors
although surely you can't use it if you do that because won't staff refuse it because it's been tampered with
and I'd imagine cash machines won't like it either
Andrew 11:41:
it's just like the mobile phone situation again

Leaving Card

Me 09:56:
Matt said that Russell wrote a question in Steve's leaving card, asking him if he has an expansion for a computer game
Andrew 09:56:
LOL
Me  09:56:
didn't even sign his name, just a question

“That’s a cat’s paw I drew under my name in your card. Just to clear up the confusion” –
Russell to Phil

Playing Pool

Russell said to Matt “Do you fancy a game of pool in 30 seconds?”. Why not just ask to play right now, or not specify a time?

Car Park

We were having a department meeting about some upcoming redundancies. At the end, the manager asked if there are any questions. Russell speaks up

“when are the lines in the car park going to be repainted?”.

Everyone laughed and Russell was baffled. It wasn’t the time or the place to ask such a question.

Feeding the Birds

Russell once went to the reception desk to ask if he was allowed to feed the birds that were near the car park. Not sure why the receptionist was the authority on the matter, but I presume he was wondering if there was some kind of health and safety violation if he did so.

Computerise the Dental System

Russell is asking Matt about the Referrals code, and after 10 minutes, he reveals it is because he is going to the dentist but they are using a paper system, so he wants them to use a better system. I’d love to know if he actually spoke to the Dentist or the Receptionist to try and get requirements to design them a new computer system.

One day, the CEO came to visit and walked up to random people to ask them more about their job and what things are good/bad at the company.

Me 15:32:
Russell is talking to the CEO, this is gonna be good
Matt  15:33:
Oh god
He had to speak with Russell 
Please record it
Me  15:33:
I hope he asks about the car park
or about dental appointment bookings
Matt  15:33:
Ha ha ha
Me  15:34:
or about feeding birds
all high on the agenda
Jim told the CEO he had no idea if we were Team A or B
straight in there with his knowledge
looks like Russell kept it short and serious!
Matt  15:36:
Ha ha ha
Honestly - poor CEO does not know what he has let himself in for

Who are they?

Russell was the sort of person that was quite oblivious to others. There were well-known colleagues that had been there for years, and he would ask who they were. There was a surreal moment where he asked “do you know where Rob sits?” when Rob had been in our team for a few months and sat 2 desks away. I don’t get why he was confused. Rob wasn’t at his desk at the time, but that shouldn’t have made him go crazy.

“I breathed in a nut”
Russell

Real World Research Studies

Me 10:57:
Russell has just gone to a meeting called "Real World Research Studies"  
Andrew 10:57:
Is he joining us in the real world then? 🙂
Why weren't we invited?
Me 10:58:
dunno, he was dressed smart as well
Andrew  10:59:
How strange. Maybe it's a special project for the elite.

Timekeeping

We work 9-5, but allow people to work an hour later/earlier if they wish. I suppose we are more flexible on authorisation of your manager. Russell had some really strange working patterns.

Me 14:09:
Russell is here!
Melissa 14:09:
(chuckle)
Me 14:09:
he comes in when he wants
Melissa 14:10:
dont understand why you would work 2-10
bizarre shift
Me  14:10:
maybe he was raised by owls
Melissa 14:10:
hahahahaah
or bats
maybe he's batman
Me 14:11:
we have never seen them in the same place together, so it's a possibility


Me 15:27:
Russell has just turned up. What a legend!
Derek  15:33:
at 15:27?!
Me 15:33:
I hope he goes home at 4pm
Me 15:35:
I do wonder what he does throughout the day. Do you think he just woke up?
Derek 15:36:
I have absolutely no idea!
he's as crazy as a coconut that lad!
did you know he lives on a barge!?
Me 15:37:
he used to, I think he just rented it for a year or whatever
Derek 15:39:
ahhh - i wondered maybe he spent most of the day trying to get through the locks on the canal (rofl)


Me 15:06:
Russell is here!
Andrew 15:17:
he's just got in now?
Me  15:18:
Yeah

Me 13:53:
Russell didn't turn up to the pub for the meal, so Mel brought the meal back
it's still on the plate they served it on
Andrew 13:54:
Haha, did Russell order food but just not turn up?
Me 13:55:
yeah
Andrew 13:55:
what a pellet

Mispronunciations

have you heard how Russell says integer?
Me 14:29:
no
Andrew 14:32:
pronounces the 'g' as a hard G
like egg


Me  13:08: 
"we are opening and closing so many wuh-pf windows" 
Andrew 13:08: 
Russell ? 
Me  13:08: 
yeah 
loves pronouncing things different for the laugh 
Andrew 13:09: 
like when you only ever see something written down then embarrass yourself when first attempting to pronounce it in public 
he's got it for everything

Unprofessional Language

Me 12:11: 
Russell is doing a demo to a group of people. "It's the same sort of shizzle..."
Andrew 12:12: 
haha
he's an idiot
Me 12:12: 
I don't know who these people are, but using words like "Shizzle" is crazy
Andrew 12:12: 
ha are they external people?
Me 12:13: 
not sure. They are dressed quite casually. Some of our managers are there as well

The Stand Off

Another peculiar character, Jeremy just leaped out of his chair. This startled Russell, noticeably jumping in his chair. They then just stared at each other for a good 15 seconds.

Email Etiquette

Russell starts off an email with “Hi guys” then proceeds to justify his use of the word “guy” and opts to use the word “squadron” rather than “group”.

“Hi guys (I don’t think there are any girls in the particular squadron I worked with this week – please correct me if I’m wrong though):”

He can also sign off emails in style

“Have at it.“

At our office canteen, the canteen owner used to sell really random stuff in addition to meals. Some people suggested they were stolen goods which I thought could actually be possible. Russell seemed to feel inclined to purchase whatever he was selling. One day we got a mass email saying taht Russell had bought chocolates to share. Not because it was his birthday or anything like that, just that the canteen was selling Guitar Hero 5.

“I had to buy a tub of candy from the canteen because I felt bad that I couldn’t buy guitar hero off them due to the fact that I already own a copy of that particular title.”

Me  08:49:
Is that a contender for Quote Of The Week?
Andrew 08:50:
that is pretty good
Me  08:51:
how can you feel bad about already owning something someone is selling
you would be poor if that was your mentality when you walked into a shop

He also apologised for sending a mass email where he had a massive box of Maltesers chocolate that he wanted to share.

Me  15:16:
is Russell really sorry for sending an email about Maltesers?
it will just happen again and he won't have learnt his lesson
Andrew 15:17:
he's off his head him

The Blair Witch

Me  15:17:
did I show you that photo where he is just facing the wall
Andrew 15:17:
lol no
omg please send
Me  15:18:
it was like he was acting out scenes from the Blair Witch Project
when he noticed me, he just walked further down the stairs and did it again
Andrew 15:21:
send me the pic
Andrew 15:28:
LOL
have you shown josh?
Me  15:28:
can't remember if I did
Me  15:33:
has the photo freaked you out
Andrew 15:33:
it's amazing
what the hell goes through his head?
why are there so many weirdos here?

The Shoulder Roll

Russell demonstrated the difference between a forward-roll and a shoulder roll. We were on the second floor of the office and it caused a loud bang. I messaged Andy who was on the floor below:

Me 10:15:
"I always worry about shoulder-rolling just in case there's broken glass on the floor" - Russell
did you hear a banging sound a few minutes ago?
Andrew 10:15:
hahaha yeah
Me  10:15:
the bang was Russell giving a demo of the roll
Andrew 10:15:
what the hell is shoulder rolling?
it sounded more like a hammer
Me 10:16:
Instead of doing the classic forward roll which starts on your head, the shoulder roll is a faster roll leading with your shoulder
I'll get him to come down and give you a demo

In Waves

There was one time where the office was really quiet and all of a sudden, Russell shouted

“IN WAAAAAAAAAAAAVES”

He was listening to Trivium’s “In Waves”.

Sometimes you saw him air guitaring, or pounding his chest.

In a similar battle theme, he turned up to the office party with a “Viking horn” which he filled with alcohol to drink out of.

Leaving

Me 14:29:
did you know Russell is leaving?
Andrew 14:35:
Yeah, he can slap his belly somewhere else
Me  14:35:
and spin around with a grin on his face
Andrew 14:35:
ha spin around?
i've not seen that one
Me 14:36:
he did it today
Andrew 14:36:
how many rotations we talking?
Me  14:36:
I think he only did 2, but that's all you need
Andrew 14:41:
"Remember slapping yer belly as a kid?"
Me 14:42:
and bringing your viking horn to the party
Andrew 14:42:
and miming along to some unheard metal guitar solo
Me 14:43:
ha. He was air guitaring earlier

He later left to get a job in London. I’m sure he said it paid about the same as what he was getting here, but he had to travel an hour to get there. London wages should be significantly higher due to the higher cost of living. So leaving a relaxed job for longer travel time is a really strange decision indeed.

Neurodiversity Celebration Week

In recent years, my employer has been progressively promoting more “woke” issues, as well as some health-related content. Our recent internal blogs on Viva Engage have been about Neurodiversity Celebration Week.

“This week is Neurodiversity Celebration Week; a worldwide initiative that aims to challenge stereotypes and misconceptions about neurological differences. We want to use this opportunity to raise awareness of the experiences of neurodivergent employees, highlight the value of neurodiversity in the workplace, and provide tools and guidance to help all our people create an inclusive environment where diverse minds can thrive.”

I think it is a good idea to remind people that some people think differently. I’m unaware if I have anything like autism but I do often struggle when posed questions that are phrased in certain ways. When we first learned about Agile development, and started doing “Retrospectives”, some of the initial ones had obscure questions like “if the last 2 weeks were a chocolate bar, what would it be?”. My mind is just like “wut”, whereas everyone else on the team came up with an answer, even if they just chose their favourite chocolate bar and forced certain elements into it. “There were some really smart solutions to problems so I chose Smarties”. When I failed to answer many questions over the months, some people moaned that I wasn’t participating, but I just got frustrated with that line of questioning.

“These blogs perfectly highlight the fact that everybody, and how we each experience the world, is different. Depending on how our brains are wired, we think, move, process information and communicate in different ways. We all have a responsibility to create an inclusive working environment where diverse minds can thrive. Everybody should feel safe, supported, and able to perform at their best. Therefore, it is important that we firstly recognise an individual’s differences, and work to harness their strengths and talents whilst minimising the challenges they may experience”

I think some conditions do have strengths and weaknesses. As far as I know, certain types of autism can lead to some great ideas since they have a different way of thinking, but then can be awkward in different social situations. One person wrote a blog on their life and observations with autism.

Here are some key takeaways from their blog:

Autism is a spectrum, which means that everyone who is autistic can have a wide variety of signs and symptoms, and how it impacts individuals can differ greatly.
Everyone uses phrases that have subtle implied meanings. For people with Autism, the implied elements simply disappear, and everything can be taken at face value. So an example they gave was if they put a jumper on, and someone asks “Are you cold?” they would answer “no” because they are now warmer.
Their responses to questions can often seem rude or abrasive, yet they were only literally answering the question they were presented.
If you ask many questions quickly, they will then present an answer to each in the order you gave them. They are insistent in processing all information sequentially, and will want to answer all of them.
Sensory overload: They despise being touched, they feel overloaded by background sounds, and will need to be alone to recharge after a long period of social interaction.
They often talk over people

I was looking on our Sharepoint for the additional neurodivergent resources. I came across some strange statements:

“Most neurodiverse conditions are classified as disabilities, but it is important to note that not every neurodivergent person identifies with a disability, to avoid stigma and isolation.”

Is it really possible to “identify” with a disability? Like the autism blog described, they didn’t want people to treat them differently but they acknowledge their social awkwardness, and understand others need to be aware of their traits in order to not be offended, or to try and adapt their line of questioning. I assume that is the point the statement was trying to make.

“Diversity is important for any organisation to develop, and understanding neurodiversity comes with huge benefits.”

That’s another one that needs more explanation. I think some people can come up with interesting ideas if they have something similar to autism, but a lot of other neurodiverse conditions are only negative. The way you “benefit” is to try to reduce the impact of the negatives. The statement by itself sounds like it is only positive to hire neurodiverse people, when that is not the case.

I saw a recent BBC article where the caption claimed that Down’s Syndrome is “an ability not a disability”. I get the sentiment, and that people often misunderstand the condition, but I don’t think anyone really believes it is an ability. I’ve seen a lot of this reframing in recent years: Things that were considered “mental health” conditions are now framed as normalised/part of someone’s identity, so is a positive thing that should be celebrated. Then not only is this mentality being pushed by mainstream media, it’s now being pushed from inside company culture under the guise of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion.

Humane AI & Rabbit R1: What Are These Companies Hiding?

What Are These Companies Hiding?

Dave2D made a video covering two AI Assistant devices; The two products Rabbit R1 and Humane AI pin are launching very soon. He was suspicious because he is unaware of anyone getting a review copy to promote them, and the existing marketing materials have been a bit vague or suspiciously misleading.

It reminds me of when there was some controversy over a computer game that wasn’t reviewed before release – which caused suspicion that it was going to be released in a broken state; because if the company really believed in it, they would send it for review to be praised. Restricting reviews seem an admission that the product isn’t good, or as what it seems.

The examples they have shown is that you can use voice commands just like an Alexa, and can book trips, bring up nutritional information for food by recognising what it is, live translations. You don’t need your phone or to launch any apps.

The Rabbit R1 is the more popular of the two (100,000 units on preorder) and is $200 device, featuring a cute design, small screen, camera, analog scroll wheel, speaker and button; very simple. The Humane AI pin is a $700 device and it also needs a $25 monthly subscription. Instead of using a screen, it projects the image. So you clip it to your clothes and hold your hand out to view. It’s a neat party trick, maybe a little gimmicky.

In the marketing, both companies deflect any questions using AI buzzwords and using very specific examples. It seems it might be the case that they just do a subset of what your phone can do, but worse.

Personally, I didn’t understand what most wearable tech did like the Apple Watch. In that example, it seemed to be sold on the idea that you no longer had to take your phone out of your pocket to check a message, but it seems a simple value proposition for a device that costs hundreds.

A mobile phone is more versatile and often more personal because it’s easier to hide the screen. Whereas, if a device relies purely on voice, then people can overhear, it causes a scene, and maybe could be hard to hear in a busy environment. The projection idea might even be difficult to see in different lighting, although might be easier to hide from other’s view, although you look a bit weird.

Since these devices can’t do everything your phone can do, you still need your phone with you. Certain devices like an mp3 player became obsolete when smartphones were widely adopted because people didn’t want to charge and carry two devices around… Or most people anyway; I don’t like the idea that listening to music is draining my battery that I might need to use for phone calls and text messages. I listen to a lot of music so I like to keep the devices separate.

So back to these two AI devices: A good question is “why isn’t this just an app?” Google already has a Google Assistant that you can talk to, although I have never tried that out. With how AI has progressed, the likes of Bing gives you easy access to quick searches, summaries, image generation etc, so it sounds like most of it could just be an additional app to download, or would be quickly obsolete if Google just adds the feature natively to Android. The possible limiting feature that Dave mentioned is that with all the permission needed to work, it might be seen as a security risk for Android to grant permissions to your location, images, contacts, microphone, camera, passwords etc. If it’s the company’s own device, then they can access all features of such a device.

When you are on your phone, you have the flexibility to react on-screen and look at images, reviews and follow links in order to make a decision. Having something that’s basically fully voice controlled has less flexibility. You are kind of forced down a specific path.

Another thing to bear in mind is that the marketing materials have often shortened the sequences to make it seem more impressive than it is. Wait time is a massive factor in the user experience. If there’s too much delay, then the usefulness and appeal is reduced.

The size and weight of devices can be a problem. If you are expected to pin the Humane AI device to your clothes, then it needs to be light without tugging on your clothes.

If these devices are using their own AI models, then another question is “how good are they?”. What is their training data, and are the initial versions going to be poor, but get better over time when learning from the early adopters?

Personally, I could see this being like the Google Glass where it sounds like a cool idea, but then it’s actually a bit limited, overpriced, and you look silly using it.