Employee Forum

An “Employee Forum” was created recently. Each month, a group of representatives from different departments talk about suggestions and complaints – to try and improve life at work. These are then proposed to Senior Management or Human Resources to hopefully implement.

Personally, I can’t imagine this lasting because many suggestions are illogical or have just descended into madness – and there’s only been two meetings over the 2 months.

I think no matter how good things are, people will always suggest more time off, higher pay, or both. Many of these suggestions do involve more time off, and it seems we have tried every angle already.

Some of these suggestions have company responses already.

Offices are not being used. Are managers encouraging the use of them?

Response: Will re-communicate about the offices to encourage colleagues to use them.

My take: Since we now are all home-working, the office is barely used. It’s optional for people to work so some people work there permanently if their home isn’t suitable, or they come in when their team does. Now it ain’t an “office”; it is a “collaboration hub”. I think it’s important to include this one in the blog to set the scene. The office improvement suggestions are funnier given that the office is under-utilised; it’s like they want more perks than we had before when the office was 100% full capacity – which doesn’t make financial sense.

What is the official business position on dogs in the office?

Response: Dogs are not permitted in the office. Multiple reasons are behind this, such as colleagues with allergies, or aversion to dogs. A dedicated area for dogs within each office is also not permitted.

My take: Did people ever want dogs in the office before? This isn’t the strangest suggestion, but this is what I mean by descending into madness. How was this one of the first suggestions? Surely we should prioritise bigger issues.

Would we consider offering everyone an extra day holiday for life events?

Notes: Representatives discussed and came to the conclusion it’s fairest for it to be a birthday specific holiday because other life events, such as wedding day, may not apply to all. Will take this to HR.

My take: I like how the representatives consider a wedding day might not apply to all, but later they soon forget this and start demanding more maternity leave/pay; even though that is for child-bearing women specifically. You can never really be consistently inclusive anyway.

The general sentiment of a birthday holiday is nice, but then there will be people that will say they are too busy at work to take it off, so then will want the day off later. May as well just increase everyone’s holiday allowance by 1 rather than dictating a specific day.

Could we move to a 4-day working week approach that other businesses are adopting?

Notes: This means working 4 days of standard hours with the same 5 day salary.
Representatives discussed how this would work in supporting our main customers who operate 24/7. Will take this to HR.

My take: Imagine the conversation that person has with HR:
Representative: “what do you think of an extra day holiday?”
HR: “Rejected. Not gonna happen”
Representative: “Ok, next question, how about we only work 4 days?”
HR: “what? no!”
Representative (as we will see later): “How about loads more holiday?”
HR: “get out of here!”

I have heard some claims that working 4 days is more effective. I can actually see it both ways. When it is Friday, people often take longer breaks or work slower because “it’s Friday”/”it’s nearly the weekend”. If you remove the Friday, some people may work faster to get the same amount of work done, or they could just adapt the “it’s Friday” thought to “it’s Thursday”.

The Return to Work Program needs to be rethought.

Notes: An example of this is an employee who came back to work in December from maternity leave and was told from HR that the ‘Return to Work’ program starts in April (apparently runs every quarter) so she would have to wait a good 3 months to get the return to work support.

Response: We need to address this.

My take: Well, this just sounds like a dumb thing we do. How has the return to work program failed that much? What does this Return To Work program even involve? Are people introduced to any new employees and told about new/changed processes? Surely you would be aware after 3 months back at work anyway.

Offices used to have refreshment options available on site: vending machines, fresh fruit, and hot drinks machines, and a canteen serving hot food. The only facilities now are tea/coffee.

My take: What do you expect here? We had a canteen, fruit, and vending machines because the office was full. It currently operates on less than 10% capacity. It doesn’t seem feasible to supply fresh fruit. Vending machines are a possibility since the products will have a longer shelf life (but I bet those are pricey to rent anyway). Canteen was nearly shut down on a few occasions because it wasn’t profitable enough. A different office also requested they want a Canteen and even suggested people would pay a monthly fee to run it. It used to cost £3.75 per hot meal and I used it most days so I was spending ~£75 a month if there’s 20 work days. The fee would be significantly higher than this to make that profitable with fewer numbers of staff using it. No way are they going to pay that. Can’t people just buy some food on the way to the office? I think we still have microwaves if you want to warm food up. If not, ask for the microwaves back!

The UK Parental Leave policy is not very competitive

My take: Not sure how we compare to other companies but I’ve found that women can take something like 9 months maternity, get 1 month full pay, then can take 2 months unpaid leave, then return to work on reduced hours. What more do they want? Maybe it’s controversial and a minority view, but I don’t think people need to be encouraged to start families or be paid at their employers expense. We are paid to work, not chill out, but you wouldn’t think it with the requests for more holiday, reduced working hours, more social events etc.

Compared to many other companies, our Maternity policy and pay is very basic. This could be a deterrent to people wanting to start families. The return bonus is a good feature, however doesn’t assist with the cost of living whilst on Maternity leave.

My take: It is such an outrage; it’s on here twice! Seems the current policy is a “deterrent”, so I was wrong and people need to be encouraged to start families, then receive a “Return to work” bonus to get them back in. Insane. Also, what do they mean with “cost of living”? We mostly work at home now, so the costs of chilling at home shouldn’t increase.

Can we build a few bug hotels and bird tables in the gardens?

My take: “What? We can’t bring dogs in? What about bugs?” WTF. I hadn’t even heard of a “bug hotel” until now. Who is suggesting this nonsense? It’s making me angry reading this. Might make some sense if the offices were full, but they aren’t.

People who currently have an entitlement of 28 days annual leave should still be allowed to purchase 5 days, otherwise it is a scheme that doesn’t apply to many (it’s really 2 days purchase available).

My take: I think new employees have 25 days plus the usual bank holidays, then over years of service, it can go up to 28. But then you can purchase days up to 30. So the ask is that we should be able to buy 5 regardless of current allowance.

Recently, I was saying to some of my colleagues that 28 days is a fantastic annual leave and those in the USA barely get any leave at all which surely would make them go insane. But look at us chillers, we want more than 28 days!

Can we review holiday entitlement for length of service and/or senior roles? After 14 years, I have 28 days per year, whereas rival companies are on 35 to 38.

My take: They wanted to buy 5 days on top of 28 for a total of 33. Now they have increased their demands. “Can’t we just have 38 instead?” What’s the next demand? “Buy 5 days on top of 38”?
Do we still want our birthday off as well? These demands are just escalating.

Can we get a fleet of ‘Boris’ bikes to allow people to get off-site and obtain lunches from local businesses without the need to get in their cars or walk across muddy fields?

My take: Boris bikes refers to what they have in London where you can rent bikes to cycle around London. Here is a bonus fact: even though Boris Johnson was the London Major when the bikes were introduced, it was actually the former mayor Ken Livingstone that started working on the plan.

So we want to hire bikes to cycle to get food. The nearest supermarket is literally 10 minutes if you walk slowly and there’s only fields if you leap over the wall onto private land, so no idea where that false claim has come from. If you walk the other direction, there’s a few shops where you can buy food within 5 minutes walk (and can take a scenic detour through a park; no muddy fields this direction either), and a few pubs that serve lunch also within a 10 minute walk.

They want bikes because they are too lazy to walk, but would they cycle? isn’t that more effort? Locking/unlocking the bike at your start and end destination. Probably have to put a helmet on for health and safety. The extra hassle if the bike gets stolen… ain’t nobody got time for that.

Subsidised Pet Insurance – Wellness Allowance, £360 per annum to cover anything health related, Gym, massages peloton etc

My take: why not just ask for an extra £500 wage increase?

Anyway, I’ve got tired of critiquing these demands. I vote to stop the Employee Forum. It has clearly got out of hand already, and there is no way the majority of these are even going to be considered. I think all that will happen is that we will be encouraged to use the current offices more (and they may reinstate a vending machine if we do), and I could see maternity benefits being increased slightly. Everything else will be laughed at.