For my home internet and mobile sim, I have Virgin Media and a Virgin Mobile sim. They contacted me saying they were switching me over to o2, so in future, I would be billed by o2 instead, but I also qualify for a few extra benefits for the same price.

Once that was activated, they then said – because I have Virgin Media and an o2 mobile Sim, I now qualify for a bonus speed to my Virgin Media home broadband. Not sure how that makes any sense and why I didn’t qualify before, but cool – free stuff.

However, my current router cannot handle the new speeds or something, so now I have to have their latest “Hub 3.0”.

When I received the package, I had a quick look through the instructions and it seemed as simple as plugging it in. The only thing of note was that when you think you are ready to connect your devices, you need to look at the lights on the Hub:

“When the Wi-fi light is on and the base light is solid white, you are ready to move on. The arrows may still be flashing green”

Instructions

I assumed the flashing arrows meant it was updating (but couldn’t see anything in the instruction manual), and when they stopped flashing after 1 hour (why does it take 1 hour to update!?), I had a stable green Wi-Fi light, stable green update arrows, and a stable yellow main light. So what does that mean? it doesn’t match their description.

After a minute, the green update arrows and green wi-fi light went out, and I was left with a stable yellow main light and no internet connection. So I turned it off and on again. Same sequence of events happened.

So I reconnected my old router to check the internet was still working. It was.

The next day, I asked one of my colleagues (who I knew had Virgin Media broadband). He said he had a Hub 3.0 and his just has a stable yellow main light and had no idea what I was on about when I told him about the white light that the booklet mentioned. It was years ago when he had set his up, but he thought it was as simple as plugging it in, and away you go.

So after I logged off work, I plugged the “Hub 3.0” in again and got the same sequence of events. This time I went to the router’s IP page http://192.168.0.1/. Is it updating? Why so many updates?

I waited over an hour, but I was still stuck on the update screen. I turned it off-and-on again. Still says it is updating. But there’s no green arrows on the router itself. Can we trust the arrows?

I check Twitter and find a few people from various years with the same problem but some say that Virgin call centre staff resolved it – but didn’t say what the resolution was. Then there were some unresolved cases of people Tweeting into the void.

So since it was late, and I assumed Virgin’s call centre wouldn’t be available, I waited till the morning. I then plug it all back in, and call the number in the booklet:

“Connection issues? if you’re still having trouble connecting after following all the steps, waiting 30 minutes for your Hub to set up and making sure the connections are secure – call us on 0800 953 9500”

Instructions

I was greeted with an automated line asking me for my account number. I hung up and went looking for the letter. I call back, type in the account number, then it asks me if I would like to link my phone number to my account for faster calling in future. 

That sounds great because I hate having to read out an account number, and go through the “security” checks. If I can bypass one or both of those, then it would be amazing. They always ask you for part of your memorable word and it always trips me up because I have only needed to call them 3 times in 9 years or something – so it is easy to forget. I was convinced I knew it, and this would test out my thoughts, so I went through the process of trying to link it. 

The automated voice instructed “press the key that corresponds to the first letter”, so the 2 key would represent A, B, or C. Maybe not so secure when there’s ambiguous answers. I typed the 3 numbers in, and apparently it was wrong. So I hung up.

I went to the website, account details, “change memorable word”. You have to choose a word between 8 and 10 characters long, but it’s not quite a word because it needs 1 number. With that level of specific criteria, it probably makes it less memorable too. So I type in 9 characters and a number to get 10 characters in length. Apparently it didn’t match the rule “8-10 characters long”!? So “8-10” actually means 8 or 9?

Eventually I managed to set it to something slightly memorable, so call back. Enter the “Account number”, “memorable word”. Right, as long as I call using this mobile number, it should get me straight through in future.

Right, can I speak to a human now? no. 

The automated voice says they know I have been sent a new Hub and if I press “1”, they can send a signal to activate it.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?

Me, raging

The instructions never said that. It said to wait 30 mins for a solid white light and wi-fi light, then only call if there’s connection issues. Yet this number is an automated line that is VITAL to call.

So I press “1”. The voice says it “may take 1 hour for the connection to activate”.

What!?

Super fast broadband, like 264 mbps and you are saying it takes 1 hour to transfer 1 signal to tell the router it is valid? What the hell. I was supposed to be working and thought I would be offline for 15 mins.

After waiting 1 hour, there’s still no connection. I waited another 15 mins. I checked the router settings page; “Update in progress”. It’s either lying, or completely broken.

So I called the number again to see what would happen. The automated voice tells me my account number is linked to my phone, so I press “1” to accept. Now I have to enter 3 letters from my memorable word. At least not entering the account number is convenient. I put my letters containing the account number in the drawer; I won’t be needing those again.

The automated voice tells me that the “signal” had failed to activate my router, so I have to be passed onto a human. I connect straight away, and first I need to state my name. Now I need my account number. WHAT!? I can’t have gotten this far without my account number which I had linked to my phone. So I scramble to get the papers out of my drawer so I can read off the account number. Now I need to specify 3 characters from my memorable word. (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻

If it is a challenge to make a calm guy like me turn aggressive, then this is certainly the way to go about it.

So I explain that I have this new Hub and it doesn’t work. She asks me what lights I see, and she says it should be working. I then get put on hold for a minute, then she says

“We haven’t registered this Hub at our end”.

Virgin call centre staff member

Brilliant. Why is that even a thing? The connection is coming through to the inside of my house (my old router works perfectly fine). Why do they need to authorise a device inside my house? They sent it to me too, so why wasn’t it automatically registered? You would think they would have the process perfected after all these years.

So after holding a bit longer, she said she would then send the signal but it may take an hour. She then asks if “I am happy with the resolution?”.

“Eeeer. Dunno. If it works, then yes. If it doesn’t then no.”

Me, uncertain

“It will work, sir. We will send you a text message when it is activated.”

Virgin call centre staff member

The connection actually came on after 1 minute.

1 hour 45 later: Virgin via text: “We’ve activated the new Virgin Media kit“

Here’s a list of things that are dumb:

1. If you send someone some new hardware, make sure it is registered on your system
2. If it requires the customer to make a phone call, make sure it is clear in the instructions
3. The phone number should also state when the line is open, and if it is automated or not.
4. If there’s lights on the hardware device with different meanings – put them in the instruction booklet
5. Don’t tell the user they are looking for a white light, when it is actually yellow.
6. Don’t make a page stating “Update in progress” when the status is “Unregistered device”
7. If there is an Update process, explain to the user what this means and how often it should occur, and how long it should take. What if I turn off the device whilst it is updating? Does it become “bricked”?
8. Don’t send a text 1 hour 45 minutes late.
9. Don’t tell the user they can register the account number to their phone, then ask them to read out the account number.
10. Don’t say you can create a memorable word of 10 characters, then tell them they cannot.
11. As a human, don’t ask for 3 letters of a memorable word, and when the customer gets it wrong, ask for 3 different letters. There’s a good chance you could piece what the full word is by putting together the answers. I assume the call-centre staff cannot see the full word, but it wouldn’t surprise me at all if they could.
12. There must be a better way of activating a router than via signal that takes up to 1 hour. I assume there’s some serious leeway here, but it’s not good to keep a customer waiting that long before calling support again.