There’s an increase in subtly (and not so subtly) including woke issues into games. Studios like “Don’t Nod Entertainment” who have made games such as Life Is Strange – have these concepts driving the story.
Some companies are actually hiring other companies to guide them to include diversity in their games, and one such company is Sweet Baby Inc (SBI). SBI offer services ranging from story consultation to “sensitivity reading”. Their goal is to ensure that diverse characters and stories are represented thoughtfully and authentically.
However, this approach has faced backlash from a segment of the gaming community, which accuses the company of forcing political correctness and “woke” culture into games, potentially to the detriment of the gaming experience.
A group on Steam did some investigation into which games used the likes of SBI. SBI has worked with the developers of Suicide Squad (whose story and portrayal of certain characters has come under criticism). The CEO of SBI, Kim Belair recently spoke to game developers and instructed them to threaten their companies unless they comply with their DEI mandates:
“put this stuff up to your higher-ups and if they don’t see the value and what you’re asking for…go have a coffee with your marketing team and just terrify them with the possibility of what’s going to happen if they don’t give you what you want .”
So this is actually how DEI works in this industry; just to blackmail the company to align with “woke” views rather than the goal being to improve the product and story.
After being called out, games journalists accused critics of SBI of harassment. This debate eventually lead to a notable, and derided statement from a Kotaku senior editor, Alyssa Mercante wrote “hi you can’t be racist against white people thanks for tuning in.”
Kim Belair also explained that her company’s mandate is to make every game political. There has to be diverse representation in all contexts even in say World War I. “bringing representation to something is trying to build a narrative and a story that include moments and elements custom made to bring representation and joy to people because that’s kind”
This example is interesting because it would be historically accurate to portray the majority of heroes as white men, and she is saying she wants to change the narrative because representation is “being kind”. Personally, I think making it clear that the game is “alternate reality” rather than historically accurate is fine.
An anti-white narrative was also shown in a recent viral clip from also derided Dani Lalonders:
“we have no white people on our team. I did that because I wanted to create a safe environment, and I know the best way for an environment to be safe is to be around people who are just like me. And I’m not saying that white people in the industry are creating unsafe environments. I’m not saying that. That is not what I’m saying. I’m saying sometimes it is hard to work with white people because they think that something may be okay, but it was really a microaggression, and no one wants to deal with that while you’re trying to make a game that they love.”
So she admits to discriminating and showing prejudice. She later claimed that she didn’t say that because she wasn’t in charge of hiring, but she clearly did say that.
So what’s with the sudden push for wokeness without it being driven by the gamers that are consuming the content? Apparently it’s partly due to “ESG financing”. The cost of producing games these days is extremely high, so game studios are looking to raise money in any way possible. Even huge companies like EA are using various sources of cheap funding including this ESG Financing. Game studios have to agree to all kinds of conditions including hiring companies like SBI to diversify their games.
I think gamers don’t really care so much about who the characters are as long as they are well written. But making changes purely based on diversity could make the world they are representing unbelievable. It wasn’t that long ago when Battlefield had many female characters, and so were criticised for not being accurate for the time period they were using.
Gamers are therefore concerned about tokenism, “phoning in” weak characters, destroying well-established IP/ignoring source material, or ignoring historical fact.
The big companies such as Google and Facebook often seem to make headlines when it comes to privacy and tracking user behaviour in order to sell for profit. So I suppose people shouldn’t be surprised that Google has been collecting data even when using the Incognito mode.
As an aside, I find it strange how people have such strong brand loyalty. Google Chrome used to be conisdered the far superior browser, gaining popularity over Firefox, and leaving Internet Explorer behind. The rebranded Edge does use “Chromium” which Chrome is built on. Chrome has taken flak for being a memory hog, and with privacy concerns, I expected people to make the switch back to Microsoft.
Last week I mentioned Edge to my Software Developer colleagues and they were disgusted. There was even more disgust when I mentioned how Bing is actually a great search engine, and the free Copilot feature that allows you to easily request AI generated images means it is what I now use. Maybe you can’t trust Microsoft either, but with recent controversies of Google Gemini, and suggestion of political bias in their search results, surely brand loyalty should continue to wane.
Incognito mode
When it comes to Incognito mode, the user is told that it is a “private browsing” feature. It doesn’t store browsing history and active sessions, but it isn’t private from your internet service provider. I thought there were no tracking cookies involved either but I think this is the basis on the lawsuit where Google has been collecting “personal and sensitive data” from users, even when in Incognito.
“Google has agreed to delete (or anonymize) all private data collected from Incognito sessions before December 2023, and it will now block third-party cookies in Incognito Mode by default. Users who open Incognito Mode will encounter a more detailed explanation of the feature’s capabilities, too.”
howtogeek
Conclusion (written by guest writer Bing Copilot using Microsoft Edge)
The case of Google’s Incognito mode serves as a stark reminder that in the digital world, privacy is not always guaranteed. Users must remain aware of the potential for their data to be tracked and used, even when measures are taken to browse privately. As technology continues to evolve, so too must our understanding and expectations of privacy in the online realm.
Rockstar Games created big franchises like Grand Theft Auto, Red Dead Redemption, Max Payne, and other games like Bully and Manhunt.
Rockstar are quite protective of their Intellectual Property, and will take game modders to court, but were recently caught selling their own games with a cracked executable created by software cracking groups “Razer 1911” and “Myth”. The cracked executable files remove anti-piracy DRM (Digital Rights Management) checks from the game. On analysis of the executable file, you can see the group’s logo in there.
Rockstar had apparently placed the games on storefronts like Steam with this cracked file for their games Manhunt, Max Payne 2, and Midnight Club 2. Ubisoft has also been caught using cracked executables as well for Rainbow Six Vegas 2.
These software cracking groups would work on “No CD cracks” for many games, which would remove the requirement of having the CD-ROM in the disc tray. It would normally be a requirement to check if you have a valid copy of the game, otherwise you could just fully install the game and return it/sell it/let your friend borrow it.
These groups could also bundle the cracked file along with the full game to be illegally downloaded and shared, which meant piracy was rife in the PC market. They obviously didn’t have the aim for software preservation, but it seems they have provided that role in the current day.
Not only do many modern PC’s not have disc trays and are digital only, but some of the other DRM methods are obsolete. This was also a problem years ago when Microsoft removed the “Games For Windows” DRM, so you had to try workarounds to bypass the checks. People that legitimately own the games can struggle to play them on modern hardware.
The alternative for game publishers is to find the old source code, rebuild without the DRM checks, then publish this on a digital store. It’s not as simple as that though, because many game’s source code goes missing over time and as game companies go bust, or be taken over. To even build the game in old tools could be problematic if you need to install and run other software which itself could be hard to locate or get running. If successful, they would need to dedicate a small team to develop and test the product. It’s probably just easier to “illegally” download their own game along with the crack file, then sell it.
It raises an interesting dilemma. Since the cracking groups have performed some work, should they get credit and maybe even receive payment? Even if the likes of Rockstar take criticism for their actions, they can probably simply ignore the criticism and keep on doing it for any old game they want to resell.
For my home internet and mobile sim, I have Virgin Media and a Virgin Mobile sim. They contacted me saying they were switching me over to o2, so in future, I would be billed by o2 instead, but I also qualify for a few extra benefits for the same price.
Once that was activated, they then said – because I have Virgin Media and an o2 mobile Sim, I now qualify for a bonus speed to my Virgin Media home broadband. Not sure how that makes any sense and why I didn’t qualify before, but cool – free stuff.
However, my current router cannot handle the new speeds or something, so now I have to have their latest “Hub 3.0”.
When I received the package, I had a quick look through the instructions and it seemed as simple as plugging it in. The only thing of note was that when you think you are ready to connect your devices, you need to look at the lights on the Hub:
“When the Wi-fi light is on and the base light is solid white, you are ready to move on. The arrows may still be flashing green”
Instructions
I assumed the flashing arrows meant it was updating (but couldn’t see anything in the instruction manual), and when they stopped flashing after 1 hour (why does it take 1 hour to update!?), I had a stable green Wi-Fi light, stable green update arrows, and a stable yellow main light. So what does that mean? it doesn’t match their description.
After a minute, the green update arrows and green wi-fi light went out, and I was left with a stable yellow main light and no internet connection. So I turned it off and on again. Same sequence of events happened.
So I reconnected my old router to check the internet was still working. It was.
The next day, I asked one of my colleagues (who I knew had Virgin Media broadband). He said he had a Hub 3.0 and his just has a stable yellow main light and had no idea what I was on about when I told him about the white light that the booklet mentioned. It was years ago when he had set his up, but he thought it was as simple as plugging it in, and away you go.
So after I logged off work, I plugged the “Hub 3.0” in again and got the same sequence of events. This time I went to the router’s IP page http://192.168.0.1/. Is it updating? Why so many updates?
I waited over an hour, but I was still stuck on the update screen. I turned it off-and-on again. Still says it is updating. But there’s no green arrows on the router itself. Can we trust the arrows?
I check Twitter and find a few people from various years with the same problem but some say that Virgin call centre staff resolved it – but didn’t say what the resolution was. Then there were some unresolved cases of people Tweeting into the void.
So since it was late, and I assumed Virgin’s call centre wouldn’t be available, I waited till the morning. I then plug it all back in, and call the number in the booklet:
“Connection issues? if you’re still having trouble connecting after following all the steps, waiting 30 minutes for your Hub to set up and making sure the connections are secure – call us on 0800 953 9500”
Instructions
I was greeted with an automated line asking me for my account number. I hung up and went looking for the letter. I call back, type in the account number, then it asks me if I would like to link my phone number to my account for faster calling in future.
That sounds great because I hate having to read out an account number, and go through the “security” checks. If I can bypass one or both of those, then it would be amazing. They always ask you for part of your memorable word and it always trips me up because I have only needed to call them 3 times in 9 years or something – so it is easy to forget. I was convinced I knew it, and this would test out my thoughts, so I went through the process of trying to link it.
The automated voice instructed “press the key that corresponds to the first letter”, so the 2 key would represent A, B, or C. Maybe not so secure when there’s ambiguous answers. I typed the 3 numbers in, and apparently it was wrong. So I hung up.
I went to the website, account details, “change memorable word”. You have to choose a word between 8 and 10 characters long, but it’s not quite a word because it needs 1 number. With that level of specific criteria, it probably makes it less memorable too. So I type in 9 characters and a number to get 10 characters in length. Apparently it didn’t match the rule “8-10 characters long”!? So “8-10” actually means 8 or 9?
Eventually I managed to set it to something slightly memorable, so call back. Enter the “Account number”, “memorable word”. Right, as long as I call using this mobile number, it should get me straight through in future.
Right, can I speak to a human now? no.
The automated voice says they know I have been sent a new Hub and if I press “1”, they can send a signal to activate it.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?
Me, raging
The instructions never said that. It said to wait 30 mins for a solid white light and wi-fi light, then only call if there’s connection issues. Yet this number is an automated line that is VITAL to call.
So I press “1”. The voice says it “may take 1 hour for the connection to activate”.
What!?
Super fast broadband, like 264 mbps and you are saying it takes 1 hour to transfer 1 signal to tell the router it is valid? What the hell. I was supposed to be working and thought I would be offline for 15 mins.
After waiting 1 hour, there’s still no connection. I waited another 15 mins. I checked the router settings page; “Update in progress”. It’s either lying, or completely broken.
So I called the number again to see what would happen. The automated voice tells me my account number is linked to my phone, so I press “1” to accept. Now I have to enter 3 letters from my memorable word. At least not entering the account number is convenient. I put my letters containing the account number in the drawer; I won’t be needing those again.
The automated voice tells me that the “signal” had failed to activate my router, so I have to be passed onto a human. I connect straight away, and first I need to state my name. Now I need my account number. WHAT!? I can’t have gotten this far without my account number which I had linked to my phone. So I scramble to get the papers out of my drawer so I can read off the account number. Now I need to specify 3 characters from my memorable word. (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻
If it is a challenge to make a calm guy like me turn aggressive, then this is certainly the way to go about it.
So I explain that I have this new Hub and it doesn’t work. She asks me what lights I see, and she says it should be working. I then get put on hold for a minute, then she says
“We haven’t registered this Hub at our end”.
Virgin call centre staff member
Brilliant. Why is that even a thing? The connection is coming through to the inside of my house (my old router works perfectly fine). Why do they need to authorise a device inside my house? They sent it to me too, so why wasn’t it automatically registered? You would think they would have the process perfected after all these years.
So after holding a bit longer, she said she would then send the signal but it may take an hour. She then asks if “I am happy with the resolution?”.
“Eeeer. Dunno. If it works, then yes. If it doesn’t then no.”
Me, uncertain
“It will work, sir. We will send you a text message when it is activated.”
Virgin call centre staff member
The connection actually came on after 1 minute.
1 hour 45 later: Virgin via text: “We’ve activated the new Virgin Media kit“
Here’s a list of things that are dumb:
If you send someone some new hardware, make sure it is registered on your system
If it requires the customer to make a phone call, make sure it is clear in the instructions
The phone number should also state when the line is open, and if it is automated or not.
If there’s lights on the hardware device with different meanings – put them in the instruction booklet
Don’t tell the user they are looking for a white light, when it is actually yellow.
Don’t make a page stating “Update in progress” when the status is “Unregistered device”
If there is an Update process, explain to the user what this means and how often it should occur, and how long it should take. What if I turn off the device whilst it is updating? Does it become “bricked”?
Don’t send a text 1 hour 45 minutes late.
Don’t tell the user they can register the account number to their phone, then ask them to read out the account number.
Don’t say you can create a memorable word of 10 characters, then tell them they cannot.
As a human, don’t ask for 3 letters of a memorable word, and when the customer gets it wrong, ask for 3 different letters. There’s a good chance you could piece what the full word is by putting together the answers. I assume the call-centre staff cannot see the full word, but it wouldn’t surprise me at all if they could.
There must be a better way of activating a router than via signal that takes up to 1 hour. I assume there’s some serious leeway here, but it’s not good to keep a customer waiting that long before calling support again.
Jabrils created a game using various AI tools. Although he says it was 100% created by an AI, it required him to type in different prompts until he got something that worked, and needed to use different AI’s in order to get the code, images, and sound. So it still needs human input as a “director”.
He got David Jaffe, who worked on the likes of Twisted Metal and God of War, to harshly critique it, oblivious to the fact it wasn’t Jabril’s own game.
He initially struggles to work out what the aim of the game is, which highlights the fact that – even though it is a working game – it doesn’t have the extra polish such as a tutorial, button prompts, or subtle visual hints. Although, maybe it could have added them had Jabrils specifically asked for those features.
“I have no clue what I’m doing in this game. If I wasn’t recording this video with you – I would be done”
David Jaffe
“I also don’t know what my goal is. I assume it’s to land but you don’t really have the space marked very well.”
David Jaffe
Since David believes that Jabrils made it, he remarks on how you think your own game is obvious how to play it, but that’s why getting someone independent to play test your game is so valuable. It’s similar to any type of software development really; you can be so focussed on coding, that you don’t see the bigger picture and the various ways someone can interact with it
After he is told it was made by an AI, he becomes more positive.
“I think it is brilliant. Looking at it from that perspective, that is how games are going to get made more and more, right. The fact that you could do that, and say ‘make me a game that does X, Y and Z’ is amazing…I love it. I love that you made this. It’s terrible, but it’s kind of like criticising a one-year-old who took his first steps.”
David Jaffe
It’s going to be interesting how AI develops, and I do wonder how long it will be before human interaction will be reduced, and also if AI can “understand” game design to actually incorporate more user-friendly features.
If you have KFC’s app, they will often give you notifications on offers. Just like some other food businesses, they have been doing offers on special occasions. So if it’s the World Cup final, they may tell you that you can celebrate with a Bargain Bucket etc.
This feature was in the news recently, when the special occasion was actually a negative event.
When translated to English, the message from KFC read, “It’s memorial day for Kristallnacht! Treat yourself with more tender Cheese on your crispy Chicken. Now at KFCheese!”
Kristallnacht, when translated, means “Crystal Night.” It refers to Nazi Germany’s persecution of Jewish people on Nov. 9-10, 1938.
Snopes
Snopes was given the following explanation:
On November 9, an automated push notification was accidently issued to KFC app users in Germany that contained an obviously unplanned, insensitive and unacceptable message and for this we sincerely apologise. We use a semi-automated content creation process linked to calendars that include national observances. In this instance, our internal review process was not properly followed, resulting in a non-approved notification being shared. We have suspended app communications while we examine our current process to ensure such an issue does not occur again. We understand and respect the gravity and history of this day, and remain committed to equity, inclusion and belonging for all.
Snopes
I think it’s a good example of why even simple automated features like this need to be manually reviewed. However, despite KFC saying the promotion should be manually reviewed, they somehow still published the message.
The recent Elon Musk $44 billion takeover with Twitter is causing quite a drama isn’t it? One of those classic takeovers where somehow you are allowed to essentially purchase with money you don’t have and slap the debt on the company you just bought. It really sounds like Twitter was managing their finances in a fairly reasonable fashion, and now their situation seems perilous.
One of the first things was to cut the staff dramatically (~50%). That struck me as an odd thing to do. I understand companies can slowly expand over time, and if they actually thought about it – they could probably trim a few staff positions here and there. But mass-scale redundancies? it’s not gonna work is it? At any company, surely 90% of the people there are required for the business to function.
The problem that many managers don’t think about when making redundancies is that:
You are taking away the culture that got the company where it is today.
You are removing people’s friends.
You are taking away job security as current staff feel that they may be next to go.
The thing is, he also said that remote staff now need to come into the office, so the remaining staff are going to be very disgruntled. This means more people will leave voluntarily. Now he will have paid loads of people to leave, and now need to pay money to start hiring again. It doesn’t really save money, and if it does; it is small figures really; Elon needs to recover billions – not a million.
According to games journalist Jason Schreier, redundancies were made in mistake, and others were made before managers realised their roles were necessary for the business to function.
After cost-cutting, the next thing on Elon’s list was to try to increase monetisation. He decided that the blue verified checkmark was worth $8 a month.
One of my colleagues did mention it, and said he didn’t realise why people were so obsessed with a tiny image, but I explained it helps prevent impersonation. It’s easy to spread misinformation, make slanderous claims, or run scams when you can just change your picture and name and pretend to be another person or another company.
It was no surprise when it happened, you had plenty of people demonstrating this as soon as possible. You had Nintendo of America showing Mario “flipping the bird”, people impersonating Elon Musk, former presidents reminiscing about killing innocents… you name it.
The verified brand situation is getting out of control. Quick thread of twitter blue brands, and brands who might be pissed off at Elon right about now. pic.twitter.com/bZ9PSqZKtf
— Read Jackson Rising by @CooperationJXN (@JoshuaPHilll) November 11, 2022
Loads of examples if you view the thread on Twitter
and therefore, it was no surprise to see the feature currently suspended…
Twitter has suspended the launch of Twitter Blue and is actively trying to stop people from subscribing “to help address impersonation issues,” per an internal note.
Zoë Schiffer
NEW: Twitter has suspended the launch of Twitter Blue and is actively trying to stop people from subscribing "to help address impersonation issues," per an internal note. 1/
“Chesterton’s Fence: Reforms should not be made until the reasoning behind the existing state of affairs is understood. How applies to software: Before deleting code, figure out why it was added.
Other examples:
– Don’t delete a test before you know why it was added.
– Don’t delete a file until you’ve proven it’s unnecessary.
– Don’t make fun of a developer’s old code unless you understand the context in which it was written.”
Corey House
My own Twitter examples:
don’t takeover a company without having a solid plan of what to do with it.
don’t sack staff without knowing what role they do
don’t change the verification feature when you haven’t understood why it was added
I’ve been playing with one of those AI picture generators; stabilityai. I was trying to think of ideas that are a play on words, or scenarios that you wouldn’t imagine a character to do – similar ideas to what Jim’ll Paint It would do.
It seems like it knows who Jabba is, but has decided to use it’s own interpretation. It’s like a dough ball monstrosityAnother Star Wars one. Looks like some rubbish CosplayerAgain, it seems to know who Postman Pat is, but has gone for an abominationIf you blink a lot, maybe you should go see an opticianSum 41 probably like doing sumsDon’t lick metal, kidsGreta Thunberg at the World Pool Championship. A random mashup.An actual Jim’ll Paint It suggestion: https://www.facebook.com/JimllPaintIt/posts/pfbid02a2aLNTagnhotRKfyECsjzPgTnds1cmL4AtVjAiSe7GaxgP73XTjdc76K9yPgXrk2lA random one my friend came up with. Ex-footballer Ian Wright
The disadvantages of working at home is that I don’t socialise or exercise as much as I used to. So I thought I’d rejoin a local sports team. These days, you are supposed to buy your own kit, so I had to purchase from the supplier https://stag-sports.com/
After selecting what I wanted to buy, I read the following on the confirmation page:
Please review your choices below before finalizing your purchase. Please note that we only accept payments through PayPal, where you can make payments via your own PayPal account, or accepted Debit/Credit cards.
I thought this was saying they accept PayPal only. To use PayPal, you have to have a linked card, so the bit at the end just seemed to be saying that.
You then have to fill in your address and agree to their terms. You’d expect the terms just to be privacy and/or returns policy, but it takes you to their page on hoodies!
After clicking the Submit Payment button, when you haven’t specified any payment details at all, it takes you to a page which says:
Thank you for choosing to pay £54.95 to Stag Sports by card, please add your card details below and click ‘submit payment’ to complete your order.
Which suprised me because A) I thought they only accepted PayPal, and B) I never specified how I wanted to pay.
The form was for filling in a credit card, but then there was a PayPal logo image lower down; which then launched the usual PayPal pages.
Conclusion/Judgement of Stag Sports
If I was purchasing a product and had the choice of using a competitor, each of these aspects would just encourage me to look elsewhere. For me to complete my purchase from an unknown seller, they have to raise my trust by having a good user experience, have the correct information I wanted to find, and have no mistakes or bugs. The website is what really drives sales, so it’s important to get right.
How the exercise is going
When I used to go to work, it involved a 20 minute walk each direction, and I went there 5 days a week. After we started working at home, I’d probably get 30 mins walk a week on average, and I hadn’t actually tried running in 2 years.
In my first session back, I fell over a few times. Second session – I somehow manage to pull a muscle in both my thighs simultaneously. Third session – my legs generally ached and I felt a small tweak in my right thigh. Fourth – I got knocked to the ground and had scratches up my right leg from the astro-turf. Fifth, I ended up hurting my left knee on the way there!
I think what I am concluding is – that exercise is actually bad for you, and I am probably old now.
I found loads of chat logs from work, and additionally found a few quotes I wrote down from various employees. So today we are going to discuss the legendary employee Steve.
“Steve looks like a confused garden gnome that lost his hat”
Adam – colleague
Introduction
Steve joined as a Software Developer, and I think Steve’s carefree attitude meant his code was a bit inconsistent in quality. I liked working with Steve though, he was often quiet and just got on with his work, not really paying attention to anything else. It’s a pro and con really. Work got done (though often you had to prompt him to tidy parts up, or spot mistakes for him to perfect it), but then he didn’t know who many employees were because of the lack of attention around him. When he joined in the banter, he was quite “laddish”. A simple northern lad, Steve was well known to like his food and beer.
I just looked on his Facebook – and under “Political Views” it says “Democratic Alliance for the Betterment of Hong Kong.”
Andy
Sometimes he seemed to be quite unlucky and trivial events became more hilarious. Once, Steve opened up the window to let a butterfly out, and another one came in.
He always wore a t-shirt and even when the aircon was chilly, he loved opening the window. Sometimes even had the fan on whilst sat next to the open window.
Me 13:13:
how come Steve has a different body temperature to everyone else? Sometimes I think he isn't human
Andy 13:13:
haha, has he got his fan on?
Me 13:14:
he has the window open. Last week the air was directed at us so we were freezing. Now we have got him to open a different window, it's not so bad. Although, after a while, it does get freezing but Steve insists he isn't cold. Meanwhile Liam just said "I'm wearing my headset to keep my ears warm"
Knowledge of Colleagues
“I know people that are relevant to me”
Steve
Matt: "Do you remember Colin?" Steve: "No, of course I don't"
“out of all the companies I’ve worked at before, I can only remember about 2 names”
Steve
Me: "Why is Simon leaving?"
Steve: "I don't care"
After our team member Paula moved up to Scotland and worked in our office there, Steve asked if Paula “was on her own, or if there was someone else on her team up there“. Paula is on our team, therefore if someone else was on her team, they would be on our team.
Charlotte asked Steve who wanted all these database changes and he said “John Bundy”. There is no colleague called John Bundy, and there never has been.
Matt: "The documents work item needs moving off the board because the Documents team are doing it"
Steve: "who is doing that? is it Gary?"
Matt: "No, it's Tony. You emailed him about it last week"
Steve: "Oh yeah, I did"
In his update, Steve once said “A chap called Jon Reaves has made some changes”. Jon had worked there for several years and is well known to everyone. Saying “a chap called” suggests he had never heard of him and thought he was new.
Food
Having 2 glasses of wine a week is unhealthy. You should be aiming for 30 units a week, mainly from beer.
Steve
“I’d rather eat my own feet than a KFC”
Steve
“Giving up beer and pizza is never a good idea”
Steve
Tracey was explaining how she went to London and had a fancy meal in Gordon Ramsey‘s restaurant. Steve chimes in:
“I went to Sheffield and had a kebab”
Steve
Matt: "I tried loads of stuff in Vietnam, no idea what it was"
Steve:[loud and affirmatively] "Bollocks"
It could have been testicles, Matt was explaining the interesting and different meals they have there, but it was funnier the way he said it like he had no doubt it was that.
“Four pints is what I call breakfast”
Steve
Steve was complaining that the office canteen has had “Toad in the Hole” for 2 days running. I said “I bet you ate it anyway”. Then he replies in a passive-aggressive tone:
“what else am I gonna do? eat the vegetarian option? Not likely.”
Steve
We once had 2 offices located close together. Our team had moved to the other office but we received a mass email from Mark stating he had brought cake in and placed it in the kitchen. Steve started walking to our kitchen (in the different office), Matt told him it’s not in that kitchen… but Steve checked anyway! He was desperate for that cake.
“Chickens come from seed which comes from oil”
Steve
Matt was originally talking about cars. Then Steve said all food comes from oil, then said that. I was instantly lost.
Software Development/Attitude to Work
“Matt! Myself and Phil are having a bit of a disagreement, and it’s about to turn to blows”
Steve
Matt: "Steve, have you done your Information Governance training?" Steve: "I did it last year" Matt: "what does the email say?" Steve: "It said it is fine" Matt: "Read it again"
In our team “Retrospective” meeting, we had to vote for “Team Member of the Sprint”. Steve voted for me. Matt asked him for the reason and he said
“I was hoping there wasn’t a second round of questioning”
Steve
A few weeks after finishing the Online Request project:
“Do you know how to switch on ‘Online Requests’?”
Steve
Me 13:41 guess how many unread emails Steve has. It's like he has been on holiday for weeks Dan 13:42: 100 Me 13:42: way higher Dan 13:42: 500 Me 13:42: closer, higher! Dan 13:42: I give up Me 13:43: 550
No wonder he didn’t know what was going on.
His manager, Matt once stood at his desk and simply stated “Steve”, and Steve was baffled. I correctly assumed it was his one-to-one meeting. Even after Matt told him to check his calendar, Steve was still baffled what it could be. Classic Steve. Probably a meeting request in one of his unread emails.
We once had a meeting located in the main office. All our team dialled in remotely apart from Steve. From the video feed, we saw him walk into the meeting room late and say something to Adam.
Andy 12:36:
did you see Steve randomly turn up to the meeting?
funny as can be
Me 12:36:
yeah
Andy 12:36:
Mia had tears streaming down her face
Me 12:36:
why?
Andy 12:36:
cos why did he turn up when everyone else on his team dialled in
Me 12:37:
did he ask Adam if he was at the right meeting?
Andy12:37:
yeah!
“I was thinking of going for ‘Looks Good’ because there’s too many files”
Steve on doing Code Reviews. Too many files gets instant approval.
Charlotte: "what did everyone think of the meeting yesterday?"
Steve: "What meeting?"
Charlotte: "the meeting with Ronnie"
Steve: "oh, that. I'll be honest with you. I wasn't listening. I have no idea what was said"
Steve took an extended lunch break, and then later he went for a long walk. Matt challenged him on it "Didn't you go out for lunch as well?"
Steve said "yes" with a right cheesy grin
Doesn't care.
“Soon, I’m gonna be introducing lots of bugs. I’ve nearly finished my work; and I’m not dev-testing it”
Steve
Dan 16:18:
is he… what!? is he trying to get fired in the same way you'd act like a jerk to encourage your partner to split up so you get to feel morally superior?
Me 16:18:
haha, great example
A similar example…
Matt: "Steve, are you sure these changes haven't broken anything?"
Me (with fake confidence): "Yeah, because he ran the unit tests"
Steve: "Have I? I only ran the build"
Steve wrote a unit test with the following test data (Michael Jackson).
Me 13:53:
user.Surname = "O'Cake";
user.GivenName = "Pat";
Andy M13:53:
i'm sure i've seen that before
Me 13:54:
reminds you of your days in Pre-school
singing children's songs
Me 14:14:
OMG STEVE IS HILARIOUS
Matt googled Pat O'Cake and its a character from Bottom. He asked Steve about it, and he said "I wouldn't Google them all though, sometimes I use pornstar names"
Then a week later:
private const string _vouchingUser = "Bearstrangler McGee";
Andy 10:52:
wtf
Me 10:52:
Steve special
I never dare search for anything Steve puts in unit tests after he said "I sometimes use porn star names"
Andy 10:54:
haha
i hope that's not the name of porn star
Then there were some interesting reasons:
Me 14:48: "CancellationReason\": \"patient has lost keys to handcuffs\" why is Steve different? Andy 14:48: what the hell? Me1 4:48: const string cancellationReason = "patient was visiting a massage parlour"; Andy 14:49: is he checking this stuff in?! Me14:49: yes, it's in our branch Andy14:50: he's an absolute lunatic
Steve was working on fixing a bug that Matt was also fixing (but we didn’t know it at the time). The next day Matt and Steve were both on annual leave, so Matt had handed his work over to me, and Steve handed his over to Jim. I finished my work, and Jim even passed my code review without even realising the similarity. It’s like a comedy show sometimes.
Steve had completed a feature, but his changes had broken Matt’s last bug fix.
“it worked for my user story”
Steve. It’s like the classic “it worked on my machine” that software developers love to say
Steve completed the work for saving Users to the database. I just tried it and it crashed. We asked him how much testing he did and he claimed it was all working. I showed him and he said “I forgot about that way”. There are only two scenarios, add from existing user, and add new user.
“I don’t think the Database Tool is working. I think it is completely goosed”
Steve
I just caught Steve smurf naming even though in his last code review, Phil told him not to. So then he looks up Smurfs on wikipedia. He clicks Smurfette and says “I’ll see if she is fit“.
I have no idea who brought a “dunce hat” in, but we decided that if you somehow break the build, then you wear the hat. Steve wore the hat quite a bit.
“I don’t need to wear the hat; I haven’t broken the build. I’ve just broken the product”
Steve
Not sure how he did it, but Steve once sent code to review which had the same title as the previous change he did. It also had the wrong User Story linked to it. (－‸ლ)
I told Steve that he was supposed to roll back one of his work items. After a few seconds he said it was done. I was sceptical. He said that I had already deleted the other part of the change. So I looked, and I hadn’t. He then said
“to be honest, I didn’t even look at it. I didn’t even compile it”
Steve
Miscellaneous
“Any advice that starts with ‘do not expose’ is good advice”
Steve
Liam was telling Steve that an angry resident left him a note on his car telling him not to park there again. Steve then comes out with this…
“Just piss through their letterbox”
Steve
We were playing badminton after work, and Steve said he had to rush off. Mike asked “are you doing something interesting?”. He said his parents were coming over later and he had a massive stash of weed to hide or smoke.
“I accidentally googled porn with my mum on mother’s day”
Steve
He was helping her with a crossword and the clue was “goddess of nature” and he wrote “goddess of mature“
Stranger Coding Tings 