Here is a collection of dumb or strange statements my colleagues have said. These have often come from old chat-logs and emails.
EIS – Internet Explorer
Nithya: It uses EIS
Sam: what is EIS?
Nithya: Internet explorer
Sam: Internet Explorer?
Nithya: Internet Information Services
That’s literally how the conversation went. Nithya was saying random words and letters when he meant “IIS: Internet Information Services”
Posting deleted wikis
Paul, a software architect, was writing some blogs, which looked very useful, and posting them on our internal social media. A manager asked if it can be put on Confluence where all our official documentation was, and would get better visibility from the development teams. He replies
“The projects on this Tech Blog are only for demonstration purposes and are not official projects. If there is any documentation it will be on my personal space on confluence, this will no doubt be cleared soon as I will be leaving at the end of this month.”
So he was refusing to move them to a better location, and even knew he had information in places that will soon be deleted.
Stating the obvious
A tester was trying to create a new test environment and got an error when deploying the server code.
“added all the config values but still getting install errors
Failed, 7.2.1.0000, 28-Sep-17 10:48:29, 28-Sep-17 12:10:26, 4, (Inner Exception) Exception of type Common.PatchFailedException, message = 'One or more databases failed to patch correctly: A network-related or instance-specific error occurred while establishing a connection to SQL Server. The server was not found or was not accessible. Verify that the instance name is correct and that SQL Server is configured to allow remote connections. (provider: Named Pipes Provider, error: 40 - Could not open a connection to SQL Server)'
“Can it be because there is no SQL Server installed on the server?”
“erm yes not having SQL installed might be the problem”
Surely that’s an obvious thing to check. Can you manually get to the database? No. Well, that’s the problem then.
Only reply if you still need to do this?
In the release stand-up today, I requested that ALL teams create the required test data before 7.1 is applied. Can I ask if all teams have done this?
Only reply if you still need to do this?
Regards
Robert
What do you do if you get no replies? Wouldn’t you wonder if everyone did the work, or forgot to reply/didn’t see your message?
If you are James
From: Rachel West
Sent: 19 April 2017 15:47
To: Testing
Subject: If you are James Brown please reply. If not, please delete
Just checking my request has been actioned
Rachel West
Principal Software Engineer in Test
Why would you send a message to everyone in the department, asking for one specific person that you could have contacted directly?
“not many people have Dave Sampson-level knowledge, apart from Dave Sampson, possibly”
Francis
Script is missing
“let’s say Script A is missing. There is possibility that Script A might not get executed.”
isn’t it 100% certain it won’t get executed?
coooooooeee
There was one guy that started his forum posts with “cooooooo-eeeeee” like he was talking in a queer dialect. He described himself as a “forum queen”. Strangely, he claimed he had got banned so didn’t post for a few weeks, before chiming back in with a “cooooooo-eeeeee!” I don’t know how you can get “banned” on an internal forum at work, but he permanently disappeared a month later so presumably got sacked for causing a scene.
Charlotte
“I made it up in our heads. Half in my head, half in your head”
Charlotte
Charlotte also once claimed she was bitten by a bee. Another colleague said his mate once claimed he “saw a bee punch another bee”. I can’t imagine a bee doing anything than sting.
Tech Depth
“Will create tech depth and try to fix this”
Rammohan
He meant “technical debt” item, as in; “I will do future work to improve this code.” I’m trying to imagine what “tech depth” looks like https://media1.giphy.com/media/GGkqULbznGpLW/giphy.gif?cid=6104955ewizx9p87brkmf67mqlxyf4vg1tqxzsx1e0bbkbwu&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g
Wilfred’s Dying Words
This is like some dialogue in a game/film/book where the person is dying and he is trying his best to get his final words out.
I hope you can manage….everything should be clear…once you experiment with it…try to query any website first…to get a feel of it…(GET http://www.bbc.co.uk/)
Wilfred
"Sir, We have lost another developer"
"Godammit! Did we get the information from him before he passed?"
"Well, he seemed to want us to query the bbc"
"mmmm, cryptic. Get our best analysts on it ASAP"
Oil
Me 11:15:
"Chickens come from seed which comes from oil" - Steve
Andy 11:16:
hahaha what
Me 11:16:
Steve said all food comes from oil, then said that
I was instantly lost
Finnerty was talking about cars
Me 11:22:
now Bellamy is talking about mowing cat poo
these conversations evolve quickly
Me 11:36:
"The Git Server is kaput" - Bellamy
Deliver The Impossible
“we are capable of delivering impossible things”
Hari
everything is broken and we are all idiots
they are dangling a reverse carrot in front of me
Bob
Stranger Coding Tings 
