I was looking through my work emails, looking for some classic stories, and found the story of The Phantom Bogey Wiper.
From: Lee Davidson Sent: 10 May 2010 14:42 To: Development Subject: If you're the phantom bogie wiper please take note!!! Importance: High Apologies to everyone for my tone in this email but some filthy scummy piece of excrement who’s most likely one of our colleagues has been wiping bogies on the toilet walls. This isn’t something that happens by accident, the offending vile contemptible excuse for a human being must be making a conscious decision to offend others so I’ll not hold back in my show of disgust at this utterly pathetic person. Whoever you are and you know who you are could you put a stop to it please? Regards, Dave.
From: Lee Davidson Sent: 27 May 2012 10:26 To: Development Subject: Toilet etiquette Dear Colleague, It is with great deal of regret I send this message but the sub-human antics of one or more of my male colleagues in confines of a toilet cubical have left me appalled and disgusted. I can’t believe I’m typing this but could the person who is treating the toilet as their own personal cesspit please use the following etiquette. · Do not wipe your bogeys on the cubicle wall. · Do not spit chewed toilet paper on the toilet door. · And worse of all do not smear your excrement on the cubicle wall. If you’re the person responsible then please remember you share this toilet with civilised human beings. Best Regards, David. Lee Davidson
From: Richard Hirst Sent: 29 March 2012 10:36 To: Keith Hanrahan; Me Subject: FW: Toilet etiquette Stay vigilant people… The toilet related incidents have been much better upstairs since Testing moved downstairs, any suspects? From: Me Sent: 29 March 2012 10:40 To: Keith Hanrahan; Richard Hirst Subject: RE: Toilet etiquette Ben always said he had poor hand-eye co-ordination. Maybe bum-hand co-ordination too
I can’t believe I wrote that in an email. I don’t think we had chat apps back then though. I shared it with a colleague:
Sadiq Khan: In this day and age, that's a ballsy email Me 09:15 11 years ago :scream: Sadiq Khan 09:16 Makes sense for that time Me 09:17 back in the dark ages where we wiped poo on the walls
From: Scott Simpson Sent: 27 August 2015 13:19 To: Development Subject: Toilet etiquette Apologies to all the female members but having to send the below out again!! Credits to Lee Davidson for the initial email 3 years ago. I have added a slight addition after a harrowing experience yesterday! · Do not leave your excrement all over the toilet seat or around the bowl – It is NOT the cleaners job to clean after you! Scott Simpson Product Owner
From: Norman Taylor Sent: 24 November 2015 10:16 To: Development Subject: RE: Toilet etiquette Apologies once again to all the female recipients of this email! I’d just like to reiterate Scott’s point below as I’ve spotted a second sighting of this in the downstairs loos!Not exactly what I wanted to see after my morning porridge! Norman Taylor
From: Mike Dean Sent: 24 November 2015 10:18 To: Norman Taylor Subject: RE: Toilet etiquette That’s probably nothing compared to the state of the left-hand cubicle toilet seat yesterday afternoon, mate! I had to force the contents of my lunch back into my stomach!
June 2016 Me 16:40: The Phantom Bogey-Wiper has been hard at work. There's a right collection in the toilet cubicle wall surely, there's not many people who it could be, unless there's more than one Phantom Mike Dean 16:42: the phaaaantom of the loo-pera is here disgusting Me 16:45: in fact, the original incident that you sent me was 10 May 2010 so 6 years on, the Phantom is still at work Mike Dean 16:47: wow who could it be? I've been here about 6 years, but I have an alibi Me 16:48: if it's the same person, they must have worked in those 3 offices, must be male, and in Development but there could be multiple phantoms
We never did solve the mystery. I did suspect it was multiple people but quite hard to accept people would behave in that manner.
Stranger Coding Tings 